Picture this: you and your man are in romance heaven. Everything seems perfect! You and your partner are enjoying each other’s company. You are almost together 24/7 and then it seems like everything is falling into place. But then, you decide to talk about your thoughts, your feelings, and where you think the relationship is going. Once he finds out about your expectations, he suddenly starts backing off and keeping his distance. He doesn’t even return your calls anymore. It seems like he fell off the romance radar.

When a woman in a relationship decides to open up about her true feelings, guys usually go into an instant panic mode. What is it with men and feelings anyway? Are our men allergic to feelings and expectations? It seems like every time a woman attempts to talk about how she is feeling, the man in her life suddenly turn his back away. No matter how hard a woman tries, she can’t seem to rekindle the connection they used to share before she decided to voice out her feelings. Her man just drifts further and further away until he disappears altogether, and she’s left in the dark wondering just what it was she did wrong. Besides, all she did was tell the truth about her feelings, right? How could that possibly work against her relationship? If this hasn’t happened to you before, then it’s probably happened to one of your girl friends. So when either you or one of your girl friends think you’re almost at the point of having “the talk” with a boyfriend, make sure you remember the advice in this article. “The talk,” by itself, isn’t a bad idea to have. In fact, it’s actually a necessary step for the relationship to move forward and grow into the next level. The problem rises when the woman speaks her mind in a negative context, and this is usually the case, particularly, if she just came out of a bad relationship.

When women want to talk about their feelings, expectations, etc to their man, it is important to remember to not shock the guy. Try to be subtle and try not to overwhelm him. When she talks about her feelings, there may be certain expectations that she has. One of the reasons why some guys back away is because they might be thinking that you are expecting too much from them, especially if it’s early in the dating game. It is important that women take things slowly — have the talk when you know that your man is ready for it.

Don’t think you shouldn’t talk about your feelings but accept that he might not take it the way you mean it. You might be talking from the bottom of your soul and all he hears is blah blah blah love blah blah insecure blah blah blah. Don’t let him get away with it. Not listening is a put down and says that you aren’t worth listening to. We all know that men and feelings don’t necessarily go together. When things are done subtly and at the right time, then the chances of him engaging in a good talk about your future, your needs, your expectations and your feelings.


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You’ve all wondered, I know. I do know the answer!

They grow on TREES!!!


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I’m often asked that question and my answer is always the same.. it depends. If you’ve just met someone, you do not owe them your entire life history before you know anything at all about them. It’s a date, not a confessional. What if you tell someone all about your personal life in addition to the skeletons in your closet and you decide you don’t want date number two? You’ve got all this personal information floating around to whomever this person talks to about it. They’ve got no unwritten contract to be discreet because you’ve let them know you’re not going to see them again. Bad move.

What sorts of things are we talking about? Children. You don’t know this person and do you want them knowing your childrens’ names, ages and where they go to school? I wouldn’t. Where you work? Same thing. Where you live? Same thing. Also, there is no need for them to know you were picked up for drunk driving 5 years ago and they don’t need to know that you had 3 miscarriages. None of this is the business of a stranger and yes, this person is a stranger until you get to know them better.

Why let someone judge you for something that has gone on in your past that has no bearing on the person you are now? Makes no sense to me to put myself in that position of playing cleanup to prove I’m not that person any more. People who tell all right up front are probably the same people who open a book to the last page so they know how it’s all going to end. Stop that.

Unless you plan to drop your drawers and have sex on the first date, they also don’t need to know about any of your past sexual partners. This one really drives me up the wall. People tell me that they go on a date with someone and much of it is spent talking about someone’s past sex life. Too much information. When I go out I want the conversation kept to him and me and nothing more. How else are we going to know if we want to see each other again? Frankly, I’m much more interested in his present and his future plans that might include me than I am in who he dated from high school forward.


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Those people who bitch and moan that they can’t get a date really bother me. Why? I think it’s possible for everyone who really wants a date to get one. We might be saying we want a date with our mouths but the rest of us is saying “STAY AWAY!”

I was reading a note from a woman who was complaining that men didn’t like to date her because she was very well educated, used big words, had a powerful job and earned a lot of money - more money than the men who were in her date pool. I mean, really, what a load of horse hockey that is. Unless you’re Oprah Winfrey or someone equally wealthy, I don’t think her education or her job put her out of the dating market, do you? So I had a look at her photo and can you say school marm? She’s on a site called SexyAds and she’s wearing a navy blue business suit complete with lapel pin. In the gallery beside her is a woman wearing a tightish tank top. Knowing men like an old broad like me does, most men will choose the tank top because his eyes work faster than his mind.

This woman is not going to be left on the shelf if she realizes that her work life and her date life are different. If she’s used to ordering people around all day, fine, but her partner doesn’t want to be ordered around, nor does he want to be corrected every time he does something she thinks is inappropriate. Everyone wants cuddles and nurturing and dare I say it, hot sex, but we have to keep in mind that there are genetic differences in our approach to relationships.

She wrote back and said that there might be some validity to my arguments but she feels that it’s important to let people know when they’re doing something wrong. Hmmm. What might be wrong in her rule book of life might be totally all right in his book. I told her Dr. Phil’s line. “Do you need to be right or do you want to be happy?” Jury is still out.

Then I got an email from a guy who couldn’t get noticed to save his life. I looked up his profile and his ad was pretty crap so I told him I’d help him with that. Then I looked at his photo and all I could think of was, “this guy is gay.” Turns out he isn’t gay but that photo screamed it. Stick with me here. His photo was of him sitting in his family room in a chair that looked too small for him and he’s holding a guitar. He’s got a bracelet, earring and necklace on and in the background is the cleanest kitchen I’ve ever seen and a huge Kitchenaid mixer. Now I know that I jumped to a stereotypical conclusion but other women will too.

He wrote to me this morning and told me that the changed photo (no mixer, no jewels) and his changed ad have improved his noticeability tremendously. He said that he never looked at his profile the way someone else would look at it. I reminded him that if he were advertising his lawn mower on Ebay, he’d probably work harder on crafting a good ad than he had for looking for a life partner. Silly, when you look at it that way.

Getting the package right is so important. Don’t post a photo with empty beer cans on the night table and dirty undies on the floor. Don’t post a photo with your ex where you’ve scratched their face off and really really really don’t post a photo of you kissing someone else. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this and I roll my eyes every time.

This is for guys only. Most women spend hours getting ready for a date with you. We shower, put on scented lotions or perfume and we spend decades trying to decide what to wear so that you’ll find us attractive. Imagine how deflating it must feel to spend all that time getting our package right and someone arrives at her door and he hasn’t showered or shaved or done anything to say he’s put any preparation into this date with her. For me, nothing starts my motor more than hugging a freshly showered man.

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