I know, you were thinking I was going to write about THAT being big enough but no, that’s not where we’re going today.

I’m talking about body size and even body shape. It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are, there is someone for you that will love the way you look and the attraction will be instant. We’re all created with different desires. Some men like chubby women, some like skinny women and some like super sized women. Some women like tall men, some like big bear-like mean and some like small men. Nobody knows why we have these desires because you know they would have told the Sexy Old Broad about it.

My experience over the past 11 years in the dating business has shown me over and over again that size is never an issue unless the object of your desire doesn’t desire your particular shape. Does that make sense? While your size is not a problem for some people, it will be for others. You might be too thin to trip his or her trigger or you might be too heavy.

If you start this dating stuff, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get this man or that woman. It’s not about rejecting you, instead they are selecting someone who better fits what gets their motor going. You have no control over that so don’t even try. Just move on.

There are millions of people looking for a partner and there are many who’ll like you just the way you are. If someone says they’d like you better if you gained or lost 20 pounds — LOSER ! Don’t waste your time. You’re worthy in the skin you’re in.

Lighten up!! Too many people take this dating stuff WAY too seriously. I’ve heard from some women who go out and buy something new to wear on a date with a new guy. Come on!!

Why not go out on dates as friends without all the expectations and see where it leads. If it leads nowhere, you’ve lost nothing. Yes, the biological clock is ticking but it won’t make a relationship where there is no interest.

If you go into every date worrying that you’ll say or do something silly and this person won’t like you or won’t want to see you again, you’re setting yourself up for unhappiness. Every time a relationship doesn’t work you’ll blame yourself.

It’s not about you. You wouldn’t blame the other person if YOU didn’t want to see them again. They weren’t what you were looking for at the time. Just like buying socks. Today you don’t want red socks. You don’t hate the red socks. The red socks haven’t done anything to piss you off. You just don’t want red socks today. Maybe you will one day, but not today.

So next time you have a date with a new person, wear something comfortable and go along for a good time. Promise yourself that you won’t expect anything to happen but a lot of laughs. Be yourself. Be happy. That’s when good things happen.

Anyone alive who’s ever been in a relationship either has been or risks getting dumped. What to do when that happens to you?

Step back and relax. There is nothing you can do right now to change anything. If he or she has just done the dumperoo, now is not the time to change anyone’s mind.

What you shouldn’t do is any of the following:

1. Calling him or her. As much as you want to hear their voice or try to convince them you’re “the one”, resist it. Maybe they’ll miss you and by calling you’ll sound desperate. See how the missing goes on their end first and maybe it’s your voice that they’ll ache to hear.
2. Send him or her an e-mail. This is the same as the phone call. You’re forcing them to listen to you and all you end up doing is wondering and worrying and not knowing.. did they get the mail? did they read the mail? why aren’t they answering? Maybe they deleted without reading. You will never know so don’t waste your time. You’re only setting yourself up for feeling bad all day and probably tomorrow too.
3. Give him or her advice. It’s going to do you no good at all to tell them they’ve made a mistake by dumping you. Remember this is their life and their choices and for whatever reason, you are not fulfilling the needs they have and they’re making a change. For most people it’s not a judgement on the quality of the person they’re dumping, it’s the unfulfilled needs they have. You can’t do anything about it and maybe for them, it’s not a mistake.
4. Expect him or her to come back. Regardless how much you took them for granted while you were together and regardless how much you know that’s going to change, expecting them to come back because of this is nonsense. It’s over. The chances of them coming back are miniscule, so start exploring your singlehood starting now. Make plans on how you’ll re-enter the dating world and how you’ll attract someone new (and better) into your life. Think about your needs and what sort of person you should attract to fill them.
5. Change. For goodness sake, don’t try to change or tell them you’ll try to change just to make the relationship continue. Chances are that there is nothing you could change that would get things back to where they were and if you had changed the habits they didn’t like before the dumping, you would have gotten dumped anyway. The love for you wasn’t there.

The most important thing to remember in any relationship breakup is that it is over. Endure the pain, knowing that it will go away and you’ll be left a better person more worthy of the next love in your life.

Do you have things you do that seem perfectly normal to you but might seem odd to someone else? This thought came to mind as I was making some fantastic blueberry muffins (ask me for the recipe) and after creaming the shortening, butter and sugar it was time to put the eggs in. Now I always take the eggs from the right hand side of the carton. I would never think to take an egg from the middle or left end. It’s just what I do.

So it made me think, what else do I do that might annoy the crap out of my husband? (Actually he’s the most easy going bloke in the world so not much gets his irritation going.) When I put my shoes on, I always put on a sock and a shoe and a sock and a shoe. That does make him raise his eyebrows but as he says, “They’re your feet.”

Then I think about sexy lingerie. My husband loves it. No, no.. not on himself — on me. Most of it isn’t comfortable at all. Either it’s lacy and it scratches or the straps are too loose and they fall off my shoulders or it’s satiny and slippery and gets all wadded up when I try to roll over. To compromise I wear it, flaunt around a bit and then I take it off. It’s what I do.

I do the lawn mowing around here and I have a set path that I take. It never varies. Always around to the right and then in concentric circles. I’ve heard it’s bad for the grass but my feet won’t walk another way.

When I take a shower, I have the same issue. I scrub my face with the scratchy thing and then my neck, shoulders, arms and move on down, ending with my feet.

I’m obviously a creature of habit and THAT’S when it hit me. Of course I am and guess where I’m probably just as much a creature of my own quirky? Yep, you got there first. In bed.

So I’ve decided that in order to keep my marriage and our sex life fun and interesting (and not so routine) I’m going to make up a SEXFUN jar. In it I’m going to place little slips of paper with instructions for one adult activity. For instance, the next time we have sex, I’ll start on top. The next time I’ll wear something flimsy — even if it’s only for 5 minutes. The time after that I’ll wake him up with a blowjob. I’d continue but then that’s too much information.

I think it will work. I felt awful when I realized I was probably very routine in my sexual habits. What fun is that?? I will probably always be quirky but my husband and my marriage will be happy.

If you have ideas that are better than my jar, leave me a comment, ok?