What is it about people who don’t know that they stink? Peee ewwww. I was shopping yesterday and stood behind a woman who was smartly dressed and looked like she had money. Well, her shoes looked expensive and she had a designer handbag and big rocks on her fingers but they might have all been fakes. Anyway, as I always do, I smiled and nodded that funny little hello that you do when you’re standing in the checkout line. And then it hit me. I took a deep breath and this woman smelled so bad that I know tears came out of my eyes. The body odor was enough to knock an elephant down half a mile away.

In this day and age when everyone has a bathtub or shower and soap isn’t too expensive, why would you go around dirty and worse stinky? Smelling natural is one thing but going around smelling like a skunk is too gross for words.

As I stood there waiting for her to pay the money and piss off I thought about her poor husband. She had on a wedding ring so I assume she has a husband. Imagine what it must be like to cuddle up to that? I imagined him with one of those swimmers noseplugs that kids used to wear when I was young. You’d have to want sex awfully bad to get close to someone who smelled that much.

It got my curiosity piqued so much that I did some searching on the net and indeed there are some conditions that make people smell bad when they are not dirty. So I’m going to think that Miss Stinky has a condition that renders her smelly and that as we speak she’s getting treatment. If it were me, I’d stay home and save the world.

For those of you who have blogs or websites of your own, have you ever looked at what terms people enter in search engines to find you? There are some seriously odd people out there, I swear.

I was having a look through my Google analytics this morning and I nearly dropped my teeth. Ok, my teeth don’t come out but if they did, I’d have surely dropped them. The first term was

Tickle her til she peed

I’ve never written about this so why did that hit come to me? I don’t know. That’s not the important point though. WHY would anyone search for that? Feeling guilty perhaps? If a man tickled me I’d dump him anyway but if he wouldn’t stop and he made me pee, I’d go after him and take him down. So if it was you searching for that term, take a hike!

Big mushroom head sexual pleasure

Now I’m POSITIVE that I have never written anything about that, ever. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever even thought about that phrase in my whole life and I’m pretty old. Is this a gay guy maybe? It must be because I don’t think any of my female friends would ever talk about big mushroom head sexual pleasure.

Here’s another one.. it makes you wonder where these people work, doesn’t it? I mean could you imagine working in the next cubicle to someone who searched for

Scary women sex

Seriously, what sort of person wants a scary woman to have sex with? If you’re wondering, I haven’t written anything about THAT either!

Finally, here’s one that I can relate to and it makes sense, however I have no idea where I have said this phrase on my site. It fits me though!

Just a little bit naughty

I was browsing around on wowowow.com and found an article by Shirley Lord who works for American Vogue magazine. She’s been in the beauty business for a long time. She previously was the beauty editor of Harper’s Bazaar before she left in 1980 to go to Vogue.

She says being in love and being loved back and having a good SEX life is VERY, VERY good for the skin.

The late and great cosmetic scientist, Marguerite Maury (a founder in London of aromatherapy, the use of essential oils to cure problems from acne to obesity), pointed out in The Secret of Life and Youth: “The sexual life of a woman is of the greatest importance to her appearance. Whereas the functions of the man are exogenous and extroverted and he will suffer most from premature old age by abuse of these functions (in other words overdoing it !), the woman- being introverted and endogenous –will grow older and swifter by deficiency” (not enough sex in her life).

In fact, the way you cope with life – your temperament and whether you can handle your problems or not — can also show significantly on your face. Losing your temper on a regular basis can age you. You have only to look in the mirror after a lover’s quarrel, tears or no tears, to see its affect on your looks. And what you see is your skin disturbed by signals sent from the brain.

She’s got more to say about how sex is good for your skin, so click to read it right here. The woman in this photo probably NEVER gets out of bed!

You receive a response to your personal ad and you check him out. He’s good looking, not too tall, not too short, has a good job, doesn’t seem the type to have sex under the dress racks at the shopping center so you write back and say that meeting for a cup of coffee sometime would be nice.

On the appointed day and time you show up, fully expecting that the photo he sent was one he scanned out of a catalog. He arrives and he looks as good in person. He’s charming. You make a real date for the weekend.

For the rest of the week you fantasize about what a great time you’ll have. Will you agree to have sex on the first date? Will you make him wait? What will it feel like to kiss for the first time.

The date goes well and you’re getting your game on. You send the wordless signal letting him know that kissing you would be good right about now and then it happens.

He’s a sloppy kisser. What could be worse?

He puckers up and you feel like you’re putting your head in a lion’s mouth. Slobber everywhere and you wish you had a towel to dry off with.

Guys, we have our own spit thank you very much. Even when things are really getting hot between us, I don’t want bucketful of saliva dribbling down my chin. Not only that, I shower before the date so a tongue bath is probably not necessary.

There is something quite wonderful about a good kisser.