What’s your jar full of today?
I was reminded today of something my grandmother taught me as a young woman. When talking about what I wanted to be when I grew up she always used a phrase “keep your jar full.” My grandmother didn’t speak much English and I only understood enough French to get her sweater and close the door so I never questioned it. I figured it was something that didn’t translate well to English.
One day when I was much older I asked my mother what it meant. I couldn’t believe that I’d missed it so long ago but it bears repeating if you’ve never heard this story.
My mother took a big canning jar and put hard boiled eggs in it and said, “Is the jar full?” I said yes.
Then she took some dried peas and poured it in the jar. Then she asked again if I thought the jar was full and I said yes.
Then she poured the leftover coffee into the jar until it was full to the brim and asked if i thought it was full now. I nodded yes.
“So what’s the point of the jar,” I asked
This is my grandmother’s story. The jar represents my life. The eggs represent what’s important in my life. A healthy, loving, sexual relationship, my children and my extended family. The dried peas represent everything in my life that I’m passionate about. My hobbies, my friends, my job and my community. The coffee is all the other things that fill up our lives. If you fill the jar with only coffee and dried beans there’s no way to fit in the eggs. No room for a sexy relationship and that’s what’s most important to nearly everyone.
The moral of the story is to put your relationship first and then everything in your life will fit neatly around it making your life happy and complete. I wish I’d known the story while my grandmother was still alive. She must have been a wise old broad.
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I’ve always been fascinated when watching a clever flirter in action. The subtleties are amazing. A sideways glance, a look just above the objects eyes, then slowly, very slowly making eye contact. Then again, they wander around the person with their eyes and after 2-3 sweeps, they make eye contact. Only briefly do their eyes meet and then the flirter looks away. After a few times of the brief eye contact, they give a very tiny smile and give them the look that says I find you attractive. It’s amazing what a quick bat of the eyelashes can do for someone’s evening!
In today’s dating world, the flirts get thte dates. They play the game of love to win. They know that compliments and smiles get into someone’s heart quicker than anything else. In my work I see men and women throwing themselves at each other with half naked photos and it’s all so unnecessary. Save that for the intimate moments I tell them. Flirt with one another – build up an excitement that won’t quit.
