I received a note from a SexyAds member today and thought I’d share bits of it with you. She wrote:

We’ve been dating exclusively for 5 months, seeing each other 4-5 times a week and having sex together. We do use condoms but I was beginning to feel safe enough to consider doing without them because we were exclusive. Last week he forgot his phone and I read two of his text messages. One was from a woman thanking him for a great time and the other was about plans for a first date when I will be at work. I was devastated and have not spoken to him since. Should I? I really like him but I feel awful.

Unless you are ready to accept that he needs more than one woman and you agree that it won’t bother you, there is no good that can come out of you speaking to him. That he went out with other women is no crime in my book. Swingers do it all the time. No, the problem as I see it is that he lied to you. He was dishonest when he said he would be exclusively dating you. He didn’t say he would be exclusive only when you weren’t working. You were exclusive to him and had the expectation of honesty in this relationship.

If you take him back, you must accept that you have set a precedent for putting up with his infidelity. I suggest sending him a text or email telling him why you don’t want to see him again and ask that he not contact you. Then move on. There are tons of great men on and offline now and heaps of them are looking for an exclusive relationship.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, peacocking is when there is something about you that can elicit conversation by acting as an icebreaker. Now there’s no magic shirt that will all of a sudden get you laid, but you can utilize small things to start a conversation and possibly get a smile. Get a smile, and you’ve got a promising start to any conversation.

A pink shirt might not do it for you but it’s certainly eye catching, isn’t it?

Got a cellphone capable of setting a ringtone? You can set a distinctive song to a particular good friend, and use that to your advantage. Whenever your friend calls, if there’s anyone interesting around, you can use a catch phrase from the song to greet your friend while simultaneously flashing a smile at the girl. This is great because the ringtone gets her attention, you get to smile while making eye contact – and now she’s just caught herself looking at you. This is the perfect time to take notice if she’s interested as people have trouble hiding interest in that half second.

Other methods such as bracelets, hats, shirts and shoes can act as conversation starters as well. Necklaces tend to be fairly standard so getting a comment on one is usually a fairly good indication of interest unless you have a remarkable necklace. Any time you get that extra glance or start a conversation using any of these things you can think to yourself – you didn’t even have to buy a porsche.

All women and I include myself in this group, have used these words over their lifetime. Some of us use them more than others. Here’s what these words really mean.

Five Minutes – Whether she just needs to find her keys or she’s getting dressed from scratch from shower to shoes, it’s always “give me five minutes.”

Fine – When you hear this word, it’s over. You are determined not to be correct and it’s time for you to stop talking and move on to something else.

Nothing – Ok, you didn’t take the hint above and she’s stopped talking. What’s wrong? Nothing. Surely something is wrong, you’re acting funny. No, nothing is wrong. Next time shut up when she said Fine! Fine and nothing can be interchangeable.

Sigh – No, this isn’t really a word like the others but it carries meaning nonetheless. When you hear “the sigh” the conversation is going nowhere. She’s bored with it and probably with you. She’s not going to tell you what’s wrong because you should already know. If you really loved her, you’d know.

Right – When she says this, know that you are far from right – nearly all the way to wrong in her opinion. She’s agreeing with you just so she can get on with what she was doing before all this started.

It’s OK – Spoken by a true martyr. She’s endured whatever it is and it’s all your fault and she’s got her Joan of Arc face on. Know that you will pay for whatever it is that is OK.

Whatever – It’s what nice women say instead of “fuck off”.

Never mind, I got it – This is a very dangerous statement and one that should leave you shaking in your shoes. She’s asked you at least once to do something and it was probably a very small thing – like help bring in the groceries or pick up your underwear and you ignored her request and kept on doing whatever it is that you do when she’s doing all the chores. You will pay, trust me on that.

Did you have to do that? – She’s thinking that surely you were raised by farm animals when you fart in her general direction. The ONLY correct response is, “sorry dear,” because anything else will end up with “what’s wrong?” to which she’ll reply, “nothing,” and we know the conversation will end with “fine!”