Do you orgasm every time you have sex?

In a Durex condoms Global Sex Survey they found that of the 350,000 people surveyed only 35% achieve orgasm every time they have sex. They also found that a whopping one in ten Chinese never achieve orgasm. So it made me wonder, what are the causes for a normal, healthy person not to climax during sexual intercourse? Taking that a step further and I wonder, if 65% of people sometimes don’t orgasm, do they fake it? The survey says that 25% of us have faked an orgasm within the past year.

While certain medications can prevent orgasm, most of us can get there. Some might need more lubrication, some might need less. If you’ve never had an orgasm, try masturbating - learn what feels good to you and then do more of it. Orgasm seems to be more automatic for most men. Women often need a bit more training.

For women, if you’re having difficulty with the big O, try taking control of the situation. Don’t think about his pleasure, only of your own. Get on top so your clit rubs against the shaft of his penis and spread your knees widely and fantasize about anything that gives you sexual pleasure. Still having trouble? Try a vibrator. Either get the traditional phallus shaped one or now they have little vibrators that attach like a cock ring to your partner’s penis and stimulate your clitoris during sex. The best advice I can give you is not to give up because the rewards are worth the effort.

For men, if you have ruled out all the things that can physically stop you from reaching orgasm, then it COULD be all in your head. It’s not impossible to turn this situation around, however. It could be any one of these reasons.

• You’re a perfectionist. Sex is a performance and you must make it perfect for your partner. Sex has become all work and no play.
• You’re scared to lose control. This may be a character trait in many areas of your life, not just sexually.
• You’re worried that you’re not a good lover. You can’t enjoy your physical sensations if you’re worrying about your sexual prowess and ability to please your partner.
• Deep down, you believe sex is wrong. Shame or guilt about sexuality due to negative childhood messages or a sexual trauma will prevent your enjoyment.
• You’re distracted. Concerns about work or other tasks mean your mind’s not on the job.
• You’re spectating. Concentrate on the physical sensations of love making, slip off into your favourite fantasy. This will free you from feeling too conscious of reaching a climax.
• You’re unhappy. If you’re feeling angry or insecure with your partner, you may struggle to feel relaxed enough to enjoy yourself. Try to sort out relationship tensions before you get to the bedroom.

If any of these ring a bell with you, try these:

• Make sure you’re feeling relaxed, try breathing exercises or buy a relaxation tape
• Enjoy being sensual first, taking time to focus on pleasurable sensations
• Escape into your favourite fantasy to block out any negative thoughts or distractions
• Try different positions to maximise stimulation
• Cut down alcohol consumption and don’t use recreational drugs
• Discuss with doctor if medication side effects may be responsible

So no blame, no pointing fingers, no taking responsibility - “it’s all my fault” - it just IS and you can do something about it. Remember, sex is pleasurable any way you get it, everything else is a bonus.