Getting the package right

Those people who bitch and moan that they can’t get a date really bother me. Why? I think it’s possible for everyone who really wants a date to get one. We might be saying we want a date with our mouths but the rest of us is saying “STAY AWAY!”

I was reading a note from a woman who was complaining that men didn’t like to date her because she was very well educated, used big words, had a powerful job and earned a lot of money – more money than the men who were in her date pool. I mean, really, what a load of horse hockey that is. Unless you’re Oprah Winfrey or someone equally wealthy, I don’t think her education or her job put her out of the dating market, do you? So I had a look at her photo and can you say school marm? She’s on a site called SexyAds and she’s wearing a navy blue business suit complete with lapel pin. In the gallery beside her is a woman wearing a tightish tank top. Knowing men like an old broad like me does, most men will choose the tank top because his eyes work faster than his mind.

This woman is not going to be left on the shelf if she realizes that her work life and her date life are different. If she’s used to ordering people around all day, fine, but her partner doesn’t want to be ordered around, nor does he want to be corrected every time he does something she thinks is inappropriate. Everyone wants cuddles and nurturing and dare I say it, hot sex, but we have to keep in mind that there are genetic differences in our approach to relationships.

She wrote back and said that there might be some validity to my arguments but she feels that it’s important to let people know when they’re doing something wrong. Hmmm. What might be wrong in her rule book of life might be totally all right in his book. I told her Dr. Phil’s line. “Do you need to be right or do you want to be happy?” Jury is still out.

Then I got an email from a guy who couldn’t get noticed to save his life. I looked up his profile and his ad was pretty crap so I told him I’d help him with that. Then I looked at his photo and all I could think of was, “this guy is gay.” Turns out he isn’t gay but that photo screamed it. Stick with me here. His photo was of him sitting in his family room in a chair that looked too small for him and he’s holding a guitar. He’s got a bracelet, earring and necklace on and in the background is the cleanest kitchen I’ve ever seen and a huge Kitchenaid mixer. Now I know that I jumped to a stereotypical conclusion but other women will too.

He wrote to me this morning and told me that the changed photo (no mixer, no jewels) and his changed ad have improved his noticeability tremendously. He said that he never looked at his profile the way someone else would look at it. I reminded him that if he were advertising his lawn mower on Ebay, he’d probably work harder on crafting a good ad than he had for looking for a life partner. Silly, when you look at it that way.

Getting the package right is so important. Don’t post a photo with empty beer cans on the night table and dirty undies on the floor. Don’t post a photo with your ex where you’ve scratched their face off and really really really don’t post a photo of you kissing someone else. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this and I roll my eyes every time.

This is for guys only. Most women spend hours getting ready for a date with you. We shower, put on scented lotions or perfume and we spend decades trying to decide what to wear so that you’ll find us attractive. Imagine how deflating it must feel to spend all that time getting our package right and someone arrives at her door and he hasn’t showered or shaved or done anything to say he’s put any preparation into this date with her. For me, nothing starts my motor more than hugging a freshly showered man.

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