Infidelity
I’ve been doing some reading on infidelity lately because of a comment in an email recently. I was accused of being the “moral police” and frankly I was surprised. I began to think about how I DO feel about infidelity.
Frankly I don’t care what other people do. I don’t walk in their shoes and I don’t think I have the right to make any judgment. I know if my husband cheated on me, it would hurt to the core. I would hope that he could tell me he’s not happy or that his needs aren’t getting met and make a decision on how to go forward or end things. For ME that would be the respectful thing to do.
There are psychologists today who say some affairs keep a marriage together where everyone is getting what they want. The spouse keeps the same situation, the children keep the same situation and the other spouse gets sexual needs fulfilled. Of course there are others who take the high moral ground and say that any infidelity (even online chat) is wrong.
How do you feel about infidelity? Should people be required to give up their home, friends, children and lifestyle in order to get their basic human needs met? Should people be expected to give up everything or give up their sexuality?
Really hard question…or should I say definitely one you have to meet and arrive at an answer to for yourself. For years I said NO…ABSOLUTELY NOT. But when faced with making that decision it was a lot harder than I thought. Lots of studies claim that humans like most other animal species were not designed to be monogamous. Since we are the higher species on the evolutionary chain, we’ve adapted more socially acceptable behaviors.
Regardless to what your decision is, weigh the pros and cons…and by all means be honest. Deception is the hurtful part about infidelity.
I love your willingness to look at your attitude! I am with you – different horses for different courses and it is not up to me to take any moral ground in relation to another’s relationship. What I am big on though is protecting children and I would love everyone to take a stance that will help children to grow up in an environment of well being.
I have a lot of opinions on this subject but since my over all opinion is that it is WRONG and SELFISH. If you want to leave a relationship then leave don’t go around behind your partners back and have sex with someone else. If there is something wrong with your relationship talk about it. Don’t teach your children “mom and dad are not happy so mommy lets daddy have a girlfriend” that is outrageous. I will be the moral police if it is needed it is wrong to cheat!
How men and women look at it is very different. For example, I believe that even a one night stand is cheating, even “only” oral sex is cheating…my husband disagrees and thinks that thats not the case – that only if one has a relationship outside the marriage is infidelity….I think even internet chatting is infidelity – thats only and ONLY if they get all sexual in the talking.
My brief fling with another man has probably saved my marriage. I used to think that I would never cheat on my husband. There came a time, though, when he didn’t want sex and I was still in need. There is only so much masturbation that one can manage. I felt ugly, unwanted, and unloved even though I knew that his lack of desire was not about me.
The other man reminded me of many things. First, I am worthy of being wanted. I am still a sexual being. I am not ugly or any of those other things I perceived. Second, he has reminded me just how wonderful my husband is in so many ways. My husband and I are a perfect team together in almost all ways.
In fact, my extramarital exploits livened up my marital sex life, too. Not exactly sure how that worked, but my husband got off on me talking to him about what I “might” be doing with the other guy.