I’ve been really sick, sorry I haven’t been around. I’m finally coming around to the other side of it all and life’s good again. I had an employee once who had the best phrase - “so you’ve had palpeetus of the punk again?” Yep, guess so. She was 76 and still working in a factory. That old broad had spunk for three of us. She also had a wart on her tongue that would bounce between the gap in her lower teeth but maybe that’s more information than you need right now.

It’s been great to get back to work at sexyads.com. I was amazed at how much I missed working when for months before I got sick I had said how much I wanted a break. I had in mind a trip to Paris or Atlanta or anyplace fun. My own bed wasn’t “it”.

In my email inbox was a letter from a single mother who’d written to me a while back saying that she was finally ready to start dating but she couldn’t get past feeling like a bad person to get a babysitter to go out. Not only that, but how should she tell her date that she has a small child? Should she tell him even.

I gave her my advice that life is to be lived and at 4 years old, her kid was going to sleep through it all anyway. As for telling her date about her child, why bother until she knows if he’s worthwhile anyway. I’m of the opinion that you keep your kids out of it until you know whether you like the person or not. I suggested that she meet him and tell him over coffee, face to face. That would give him a chance to meet her and see how wonderful she is. If he would have wavered on hearing about the child via email, in person it might not be a big problem.

Anyway, in her mail today she’d met the guy at a local coffee shop and neither realized that their 30 minute coffee lasted nearly 2 1/2 hours. They enjoyed each other’s company so much that she’d been too busy to write. He knows about her little boy but she’s taking my advice and not introducing them too soon. I’m all for protecting the littlies until you know for sure that he’s a keeper.

LIKE THIS?

You really appreciate your health. Unfortunately when you appreciate it most is when you don’t feel so well. That’s where I am today. I had my gall bladder out two weeks ago and I got a staph infection in one of the wounds. When they tell you to wash your hands every 30 seconds, you should listen. Make everyone wash their hands before touching you too.

I’m on the mend but just barely. Sorry I haven’t posted since I went to the hospital.

When a woman wears a leather dress,

A man’s heart beats quicker,

His throat gets dry,

He goes weak at the knees,

And he begins to think irrationally.

keep scrolling!

What is it about people who don’t know that they stink? Peee ewwww. I was shopping yesterday and stood behind a woman who was smartly dressed and looked like she had money. Well, her shoes looked expensive and she had a designer handbag and big rocks on her fingers but they might have all been fakes. Anyway, as I always do, I smiled and nodded that funny little hello that you do when you’re standing in the checkout line. And then it hit me. I took a deep breath and this woman smelled so bad that I know tears came out of my eyes. The body odor was enough to knock an elephant down half a mile away.

In this day and age when everyone has a bathtub or shower and soap isn’t too expensive, why would you go around dirty and worse stinky? Smelling natural is one thing but going around smelling like a skunk is too gross for words.

As I stood there waiting for her to pay the money and piss off I thought about her poor husband. She had on a wedding ring so I assume she has a husband. Imagine what it must be like to cuddle up to that? I imagined him with one of those swimmers noseplugs that kids used to wear when I was young. You’d have to want sex awfully bad to get close to someone who smelled that much.

It got my curiosity piqued so much that I did some searching on the net and indeed there are some conditions that make people smell bad when they are not dirty. So I’m going to think that Miss Stinky has a condition that renders her smelly and that as we speak she’s getting treatment. If it were me, I’d stay home and save the world.