No, of course you don’t. You’ve learned that it can be very misleading. The same thing is true for people. Look at the meteoric rise of Susan Boyle, the UK’s Got Talent contestant. She walked on stage and nearly everyone in the theatre judged her by her looks. She said she wanted to sing on stage and you could see and hear the tittering. Then she opened her mouth and sang like an angel. You could see the change in expression on every face and they knew that they’d unjustly judged her because of how she looked.

Too often, people who are seeking partners at an adult dating or really any dating site do the same thing. They browse the photos just like the men who read Playboy. They don’t read the words that go with them. If you were looking for a new relationship and you saw Susan Boyle’s photo, would YOU contact her? My guess is, probably not unless you’re a really special person. She admits to not having dated so if you said no, you’d have a lot of company. Now that she’s a worldwide star, I’ll bet there are any number of people who’d love to get to know her because she’s proven there’s lots more behind the face and body. Now that they know more about her, there’s an attraction that couldn’t have been found before.

Last week we received a note from a guy who’d met a woman in our free chatroom and they talked for months. We’d see them nearly every evening in their favourite room. He had a photo posted on his profile and heaps of photos in his personal gallery but she had none. He kept asking and she kept putting him off. Privately one night she told me that she loved spending time with him but he was really good looking and she knew she wasn’t and didn’t want it to end. I felt sad when she told me that and I encouraged her to post a photo. Nope, she wasn’t interested. She was 100% convinced that once he saw what she looked like that he’d move on to someone she considered to be more attractive.

Finally he said he was coming to her town which was a fair distance from where he lived and he wanted to take her to dinner. Remember they’d been talking for months and had gotten really close, as you do when you chat with someone for that length of time. He said he wouldn’t take no for an answer and it didn’t matter to him what she looked like.

As you can imagine, he meant every word. He thought she was beautiful inside and out and he wrote to tell us he was going to ask her to move in with him just to test the waters and if that worked out ok, he wanted to marry her and stay with her forever.

Personally I’d much rather be with someone who treats me well, respects me in all ways possible, is able to laugh at himself and with others, is intelligent and fun to be around than to be with someone who stepped off a magazine page and treats me like crap.

My last post was all about hitting the dating target. It’s important to know what you’re looking for and then search for that but that’s only half the equation as I learned this morning. Ok, I have always known there were people who would write to someone without reading their profile or ad on an adult dating site but today I found a guy who was actively seeking someone who didn’t want him.

He’s a straight guy who’s looking for a woman so when I read one of his comments to a woman I was left scratching my head.

“I know you’re a lesbian but I think if you spent at least one evening with me I could turn you around. I’ve got the best moves in the country.”

I thought, “you’re an idiot! Shut up already!” This man will never get a woman who’s seeking another woman for a relationship to meet him for a cozy evening for two. It’s just not going to happen.

I was just about to write to this guy and explain why I thought his approach was headed in the wrong direction when I decided to see what his other comments have been. Sure enough, he’d sent that same comment to 54 lesbians. Talk about shut up already! He’s joined an adult dating site looking for a woman and his choices are only women who aren’t the slightest bit interested in dating him. They probably don’t want to know him.

If you’re looking for a date or a new relationship, know the type of person you’re seeking and actively go after that, but keep in mind what the other person is seeking as well. I don’t think this guy is going to get lucky anytime soon and with all the effort he’s putting in, it’s sad to see it wasted.

I received an email from a woman at our dating website yesterday that really made me scratch my head. The woman is in her early to mid 40s and I think she’s quite a looker. She’s got a gallery of great photos and none of them are showing anything other than a great shape. No naughty bits, no boobage - nothing that you couldn’t show your granny. I checked the mail logs and she’s answered a lot of mail, so she is seriously looking for a new partner. She wrote to say that she was considering leaving over a comment she received on her profile.

“You’ve got great udders, babe”

I suggested that she blacklist the guy and he could no longer view her profile or contact her again and that SexyAds, just as everywhere else in the world, had a few people without much tact.

This brings me to my point for today. Obviously this guy was looking for a new partner for something or he wouldn’t have taken the time to send the note to her. Was he hitting the target? Absolutely not!

It’s not just men who miss the point sometimes but with just a bit of effort, you can target the person you want to meet and make it all happen. If you think about the goal and what you want to happen, then treat the other person as if they were already in your life. Would you say inappropriate things to a woman or man you just met at a party? Of course not. So can you honestly say that you would try it on via the net because you’re anonymous? If yes, you’re missing the target!

Adult dating isn’t difficult if you remember that the people on every site are real people with real emotions and they’ll judge you for what you’re writing to them. Everyone likes to get kinky from time to time (or more often!) but few people (no people?) like to feel like a piece of meat just because they admit to enjoying sex, passion and intimacy.

Til next time - stay sexy!

There’s sex everywhere you look it seems. It’s on every billboard, used by every magazine and TV for advertising and everyone seems to be talking about it all the time. All the time, that is, if YOU’RE not getting any at home.

Is it time you got back into the groove, sexually speaking? Has your get and go gotten up and left? It’s never too late to spice up your life and put some passion and intimacy back in. Stop living in a sexual vacuum and stop it today.

► Be cool. Begging isn’t pretty and rarely if ever works. Try spoiling your partner so they’ll want to have sex with you more often. I’ve always said the sexiest man wears an apron. Maybe if you’re a guy you could wear an apron with nothing on underneath. You could get lucky in the kitchen!

► Be attentive. Are you sure that everything you do with your partner is sexually satisfying to him or her? A friend of mine’s husband always rushes things and sex is often painful for her so she ends up not wanting it very often. Talk about what turns your lover on at non-sexual times. Then don’t forget!

► Be creative. Most every marriage counselor will tell you that a lot of marriages and relationships crap out because of too little or too boring sex. In our busy lives sex can sometimes seem like a mechanical habit and you think it’s all right until you discover that your partner is looking for something better outside your bedroom. Some couples find comfort in consistent or regular sexual experiences but most of us are hoping for a bit more excitement and inspiration in our lovemaking. You can be creative in a number of ways like varying tempos and positions, not confining yourselves to the bed, act out your sexual fantasies with role playing or toys. - I could go on but modesty forbids.

If you have a dud sex life it’s up to YOU to do something about it. No partner at all? Why didn’t you say so earlier? Check out the sexy dating I highly recommend!