Too often I hear from people who’ve been in the dating market for a while who say, “I never get lucky,” “Nobody ever replies to me,” “You have to be a bad boy to get a date,” “Nobody wants a nice guy.” Hogwash to them all. Of course they’re never going to get a date because they’re always whining about their bad luck.

Ever notice how we’re attracted to positive people? We want to be around them because we feel good. That’s the kind of person we all want to be.

If you think you’re never going to get a date, that’s exactly what you’re going to get. Forget The Secret, it’s more basic than that. The old saying if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you can’t — is true in this instance as well. We all say that someone with confidence is attractive and the alternative is true too. If you’re always looking at the glass half empty that’s what you’re going to get.

Change that tune in your head. It’s certainly possible to do that. Whenever you think those icky thoughts, stop and remind yourself that this is nasty brain programming that has happened over time and it is not true. It’s a belief you have but it is not valid and probably was never valid.

Look in your mirror every morning and say hello to the New You. “I’m a happy, healthy wonderful person and people will enjoy being around me today.” Try it, it could change your life.

Honesty is always important, even over the net. Sure you get the feeling of anonymity so you can play out fantasies but if you’re seriously looking for a partner, honesty is the best policy. Imagine that you lied about your looks, your job, where you live, etc.. and then you find out later that you’re really stuck on this person. Then what?

At SexyAds I know of 3 instances where this happened and all 3 of the people who lied, eventually “virtually died” and came back as a truthful person. Weird, I know, but they had no idea how to admit they’d lied.

I know you hate to hear that but it’s true — gone are the days when you could show up in your dirty jeans and stained t-shirt and get a burger at the car-hop joint in town. Ok, that was never an acceptable date but times ARE changing. The Internet has shown us that there are lots of people looking for new partners so you have to lift your game if you’re going to be a top contender.

Get fit. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work.

Sparkle. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?)

Be able to carry on a conversation.You can talk about anything but you must be able to talk about something. You don’t have to know everything but know something to talk about. Pick up random tidbits of information on Wikipedia or read a book you can talk about, check the CNN website before your date. When the conversation has a lull in it, that’s when you pop in your profound thoughts. You only want to have sex with them and not discuss the world situation? Honey, nobody can fuck non-stop from door to door. There’s gotta be some travel time and getting undressed time and getting dressed again time.

Respect. There is no excuse to leave your manners on the rug outside. Treat people with respect. You might want a dynamo in the bedroom but treat your date with some class and you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll get.

Dating requires effort and a bit of follow-through. You’ve got to make the contacts and go through whatever it takes to make yourself attractive enough to date. I’m not talking about looks here.. your whole person has to attract someone to date. Some of you might think that you’re at the bottom of the dating heap but that’s just because you haven’t thought about it enough. Everyone has someone and you’ll know when you’re ready.

To Americans at home and around the world (like me), I hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving Day holiday. I’m thankful for every one of you who visit Sexy Old Broad and especially thankful for those who leave me comments.

I’ll be celebrating in New Zealand where it’s a beautiful, cloudless summer day. It doesn’t feel much like the Thanksgivings I’m used to after growing up in Maine, but I’m grateful for every blessing I have.

If you’re alone for the holiday, don’t make it a big deal. Just think of it as just another day. If you lived in New Zealand it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving and life will go on remarkably well spending an ordinary Thursday.