Do you ever get in the same-old same-old sex routine? It’s time to get out of the rut.

“The secret of love is seeking variety in your life together, and never letting routine chords dull the melody of your romance.” ~ Author Unknown

We’ve all heard the phrase labor of love but exercising love between two people does take some labor. I suspect that all of us let our busy lives tend to put our courtship habits into meltdown. I know it’s happened for us. The good news is that even the coldest fireplace can be crackling hot with just a little fuel by the way of romance.

I think it’s safe to say that if you feel your sex life is boring, it’s wise to assume that your lover feels the same way. You just aren’t talking about it. It’s time to start flirting with each other again!

Laying the scene

Proper hygiene is always esstential. Anything less that squeaky clean will not get you the desired result – hot sex. Nothing bigger as a sexy mood killer than breath that smells like a sewer. If you know which brand of cologne or perfume that turns your lover on, make sure you use it. Is there an outfit that your sweetie has made compliments on? That’s the one to wear. You’ll use the clothes and scent to show you’re putting forth a real effort to reach the person you fell in love with. I call it laying the scene.

Don’t use the same old lesson plan!

If you are doing the same old thing just like you’ve always done it, then don’t be surprised if you get a cold shoulder. This approach needs to be fresh and romantic. We all know that guys can get ready for sex by just walking by but a woman needs a bit more time. So start early. Leave her a love note before you go to work. Send her a romantic text during the day telling her how much she means to you or you could even send her an email telling her how much her body turns you on just thinking about it. If you REALLY want to get her attention about the new you, send her some flowers. If you can’t afford flowers, find one in the park and bring her one blossom. (I know, that’s not the proper thing to do but this is an emergency! Plus a woman loves to tell their friends that her love gave her flowers).

Think back to the beginning

Now that you’ve come on strong with romance, think back to the early days of your relationship when you could barely keep your hands off each other. This is what you’re trying to create! If you currently walk in the door and give barely a peck on the cheek, what would happen if you grabbed your partner and gave him or her the kiss of a lifetime? You’d both be waiting for more. When you go out, take his or her hand and squeeze it lovingly as you walk. The idea is NOT to show love to get sex but to show love because you love. Too often women only get romanced for sex and they end up feeling that’s the only time they’re cared about. We know it’s not true but hey, men often only think of being romantic when they want a shag. I’m telling all you guys, if a woman suspects that your romance comes with strings attached, the magic will disappear. It doesn’t mean you won’t get sex, but it means that magic of feeling loved unconditionally just evaporates. You love her because you want something.

Talk to each other

Want to try new kinky things in the bedroom? Talk to your lover away from the bedroom. Don’t put any stress and kill the moment but talk about it well before the sex starts. Often just talking about it is a real turn-on. Imagine talking to each other about having another person watch while you have sex, or roleplaying doctor-patient or anything you’ve always wanted to try but for whatever reason haven’t felt comfortable bringing it up. You never know what your other half has in mind!

Sex is like a roller coaster

For men, the peaks and valleys are pretty steep but for a woman, we go up slowly and we come down slowly, so remember that when the big orgasm is released. Guys, don’t say thanks and roll over because that’s what she’s going to remember. She’s all sexed up and nowhere to spend it! Take some time loving her and listening to her. I promise she has lots of unsaid words. What you accomplish with this is to nurture her desire for more sex. This is always a good thing.

If you aren’t getting real excitement in your sex life, part of the problem is you. I hate to say it like that but it’s true. You might think you’re the absolute perfect person but if you once turned your partner on and it no longer happens, something has changed. It might be something you don’t realize you’re doing that’s harming your relationship. It doesn’t make you a bad person – it could be something really simple that would be easy to fix and show how much you care.

I was chatting online to a new friend yesterday and we began talking about her best friend who she said had been “replaced by her husband.” I thought about that for a minute before saying that maybe she wasn’t replaced at all. Maybe she was never that important to him in the first place. Maybe she was just convenient.

How many times have you heard people who’ve been divorced say that they weren’t really in love with their ex, they just thought they were? I’ve heard it. The thing to remember is, both men and women are guilty of thinking theyr’e in love. They don’t test themselves because being with *someone* is better than being alone. A few months or years later and they are unhappy and wondering how the hell to change things. Their eyes begin to wander and figure that an affair is better than hurting their spouse’s feelings.

Sometimes, and dare I say it, more than sometimes, we think we’re in love but it’s really a long-term friends with benefits situation that could end at any time if one or the other isn’t getting their sexual needs met. It looks like love because they’re all twittery, holding hands, cuddly but that’s how friends with benefits act too. We get caught up in overwhelming lust and we think it’s love. Love isn’t about sex and that’s where the confusion lies. You have sex when you’re in love but sex is not love. Love is caring about someone during the good times and more especially during the bad times. Love doesn’t look for a way out, instead it looks for a solution.

I’m not saying that every person who’s cheating isn’t in love with their spouse. I’m saying that some people were never in love in the first place.

I get asked this a lot. What DO women expect of a man? Certainly not all women but most women are by nature nurturing beings. We want a friend and a lover. Most of us don’t want one without the other. Women who have a partner who’s only a friend will seek a lover elsewhere. Most women will tire of a man who’s only a lover and not a friend.

We want men who want to interact with us in a way that makes us want them — sexually. We’d like a guy who’s fun and interesting and we want him to flirt with us. It’s really good when he let’s us know that he’s attracted to us.

What we don’t want is boring. We can do boring all by ourselves.

We want you to smell good when you kiss our necks and when you give us a hug we want you to mean business. Bring us close and hold us tight — don’t forget that smelling good bit either.

When we leave you a message, the timer starts when we hang up. You’ll be graded on how quickly you respond. We’ll SAY it’s not important that you didn’t call right back but we won’t forget it, especially in the early days. Let us know you’re interested so we don’t have to start looking for someone new.

We’d like you to look like you took some effort in how you look — just for us. Occasionally, we’d like you to dress up for a special night. Buy a thong for the nights we’d like to see you dressed down.

It’s important to us to have something in common in and outside of the bedroom. Be creative sexually and think of something you’d enjoy doing with us away from the house. It will deepen our connection. We don’t want to be under your wing all the time but we hope you’ll want to spend time with us. You’ll get big points for this.

Ladies, help me out here. What do you expect from a man?

Do you have body issues that keep you from letting go during sex so you feel comfortable hanging from the chandelier?

Lots of women and some men do. Whether it’s because there’s extra weight, scarring from surgery or an accident, droopy skin from age or weight loss or simply think that other naked people look better than they do, lots hold back on getting wild in the bedroom (or the back yard or the kitchen!) Here are a few tips to help you feel more comfortable so you can pay better attention to what’s going on rather than who’s seeing what.
1. Use lamps with a dimmer switch or candles instead of bright overhead lights.

You could always do it in the dark but mood lighting does help and let’s face it, guys like to look.

2. Choose positions that flatter and make the best of what you’ve got: missionary will hide your tummy and side-by-side takes the focus off your butt.

The idea is to get your mind off what you consider are your bad bits and focus your attention on the naughty bits!

3. If you’re REALLY tense, leave on a piece of clothing, like a lacy camisole to keep your body a little covered.

Not only are you covering up what you feel uncomfortable about, sexy clothing is a big turn-on for a lot of people. Two issues sorted at once!

4. Realize that you’re the only one who’s concerned about your body. Your partner doesn’t care – he or she wants you!

Seriously, they have seen your shape in clothes and they still want to bonk your bones. The bits you don’t like might be the bits that really turn your lover on! You could be worrying about a flabby belly and he’s thinking, “Geez, there’s spinach on her front tooth.”

5. Stop thinking about yourself and pay attention to pleasing your partner..

When you’re focused on giving pleasure, you won’t be thinking about yourself. That’s a good thing. Knowing that he or she is being driven wild by what you’re doing is a great confidence booster. Anyone who’s on his or her way to the moon (orgasmically speaking) is not thinking, “what a huge backside!” None of what you’re worrying about matters. If it did, they wouldn’t want to be naked with you in the first place.

6. Close your eyes and enjoy the touch.

When you are worried about your saggy skin how can you be getting turned on? You can’t so start paying attention to the nice feelings that you have when your lover touches your skin, or how your lips feel when you’re kissed. This too will increase your self-esteem and confidence. Your lover will enjoy your reactions too.

7. Think yourself sexy.

We can all fantasize so let your wildest imagination go. Think of things that turn you on. Fantasies, whether you share them with your lover or not, can make your body respond in a remarkable way and that will boost your self-confidence when you see the reaction on your lover’s face.