So you’ve been chatting with someone you met online. You find yourself attracted to them and you seem to have great chemistry so you both decide to take things to the next step and meet for drinks, dinner or coffee. One great advantage to meeting someone from the internet is the ability to take your time and find out everything you need to know about them before deciding if they are worth meeting face to face.

I know it may seem like a downer to ask questions of someone you click with. The questions may not seem very sexy and they could possibly make them think you’ve already lost their trust or are suspicious of their intentions. The most important thing in life is your health and safety so don’t be afraid to protect yourself.

My list of recommended issues/questions to get out of the way before meeting:

1. Have you recently been test for STD’s?
Anyone can get a sexual transmitted disease. It doesn’t matter how sweet and innocent they claim to be, male or female, regardless of age, location, religion or otherwise. While it doesn’t make someone a bad person because they have or have had an STD, you certainly don’t want to catch something because your mate was dishonest with you or didn’t know they had an STD because they haven’t been tested. If the person you have been chatting with gets defensive about getting tested or refuses to do it I would end your discussions right there.

2. Do you have an acciction/substance abuse problem?
You don’t have to come right out and ask that very question, but you can ask about their drinking habits and if they use any recreational drugs and how often. Many people have substance abuse problems to one degree or another. Some hide their addictions and finding out someone has an addiction can be a very challenging issue in a relationship that you should be prepared to understand.

3. Have you cheated on any of your ex boyfriends/girlfriends?
While it’s true that many people have cheated on their ex’s, not everyone has and someone who has cheated in the past is definately more likely to do it again as it is a reflection on a person’s character. Don’t be afraid to ask if they have ever been unfaithful. If they admit it then at least you know they are honest:)

4. Do you have children?
This may seem obvious, but if you don’t ask they might not tell you for fear you will become disinterested in moving forward. Ask if they have been married and if they have children.

5. Have you ever had a same sex relationship or sexual encounter?
I know this might be an uncomfortable conversation to have, but it will be one of the most rewarding things to find out sooner than later. While most women would think this would be a bonus to know that his girlfriend/wife is interested in women sexually, this may not always be the case. Far more men that most people realize have had same sex encounters or desire to and should not be ashamed to admit it. The same goes for women.

Stay safe out there!

How many women view porn on the net?

If you’d asked me that question 6 months ago I would have said, “Maybe a few,” but then I’d be wrong. Recently SexyAds.com conducted a survey about how the internet and dating sites had changed people’s ideas on sexuality.

Do women watch porn? Is flirting online “cheating”? Are people more likely to be more sexually adventurous since the advent of the internet? These are just some of the questions we wanted answers to.

We found some interesting results.

For example, 91% of the respondents view porn online, and some 56% find it at least somewhat satisfying. A greater pecentage of men than women vist porn sites, although a suprising 80% of women said they visit at least “One or two porn sites”, and only 19% of women said they did not find online porn satisfying. Even older women look at porn, although not as big a percentage as younger women (this is also true of men). 76% of women over 40 told us they look at porn, although only 44% found it satisfying. For women over 60, 78% look at porn and 53% found it at least somewhat satisfying.

The internet has changed at least some people’s views about sex and sexuality. 63% of people told us they feel more sexually adventurous since starting to surf the net, although only 31% said they actually feel sexier, with 38% being undecided about that.

The internet has made it easier for people to fulfill their sexual fantasies it seems. 75% said that the internet has made it easier to fulfil their sexual fantasies, (78% or women and 74% of men) while only 63% say they feel sexier (62% of men and 69% of women).

83% of people told us they thought online flirting was not cheating and 71% indicated they’d be more likely to consider an affair.

You can see all the preliminary results and breakdowns by gender and age here.

While we’ve compiled the preliminary results already, you can still take the sexuality survey here

Too often I hear from people who’ve been in the dating market for a while who say, “I never get lucky,” “Nobody ever replies to me,” “You have to be a bad boy to get a date,” “Nobody wants a nice guy.” Hogwash to them all. Of course they’re never going to get a date because they’re always whining about their bad luck.

Ever notice how we’re attracted to positive people? We want to be around them because we feel good. That’s the kind of person we all want to be.

If you think you’re never going to get a date, that’s exactly what you’re going to get. Forget The Secret, it’s more basic than that. The old saying if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you can’t — is true in this instance as well. We all say that someone with confidence is attractive and the alternative is true too. If you’re always looking at the glass half empty that’s what you’re going to get.

Change that tune in your head. It’s certainly possible to do that. Whenever you think those icky thoughts, stop and remind yourself that this is nasty brain programming that has happened over time and it is not true. It’s a belief you have but it is not valid and probably was never valid.

Look in your mirror every morning and say hello to the New You. “I’m a happy, healthy wonderful person and people will enjoy being around me today.” Try it, it could change your life.

Honesty is always important, even over the net. Sure you get the feeling of anonymity so you can play out fantasies but if you’re seriously looking for a partner, honesty is the best policy. Imagine that you lied about your looks, your job, where you live, etc.. and then you find out later that you’re really stuck on this person. Then what?

At SexyAds I know of 3 instances where this happened and all 3 of the people who lied, eventually “virtually died” and came back as a truthful person. Weird, I know, but they had no idea how to admit they’d lied.