“Do you ever sit back and wonder why the cocky badboy guy — the one who barely appears interested his date –seems to be the one who gets the dames?

Have you groaned internally when hearing the words, “You’re a truly good person, but I only like you like a friend,” from a woman who you would really like to enjoy between the sheets? Is she the one person you would do just about every thing for only to turn around and watch her chase after a guy who treats her like she’s nothing unique? And are you confused about why she would date a person who treats her like crap when she could have you — who would treat her like a queen and give her every thing she wants? Well, sit up straight because I’m likely to tell you a comething which you may not wish to hear.

Firstly, nice equates with boring and predictable. Check the dictionary meaning for nice and you’ll see that it’s pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. Speaking about you, the nice guy now, you’re average — not exceptional, not thrilling, and not sexy. We’ve never heard a woman say she didn’t wish to date a a guy simply because he was confident, passionate, or exciting.

You’ve probably also heard women say, “He’s such a lovely person. He’s so sweet and he’s always there for me, but I only see him as a best friend.” Or it could be, “He’s such a nice guy, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal — but there’s no chemistry between us. He just does not turn me on.” Too many good men fall into the nice guy category..

The truth is, Mr. Nice Guy, you can’t bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you or to have sex with you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you’re one of those guys I described, that’s exactly what you’re trying to make happen. And it won’t work.

A word of warning here — I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.

What I am suggesting is for you to think more of yourself than you do now.

For instance: The answer to the question, “Why does the cocky guy who doesn’t show he cares a lot about his date — get lucky?” It’s simple, really, the nice guy cares too much too soon and he lets her know it. He lets her know right up front that he’ll drop everything at her every request. He’s always available, always trying to please and is always willing to do whatever she wants to do, even if he’d really rather be doing something else. He never asks for anything in return. This strips him of any value because he ends up quite desperate, insecure and needy of a woman’s constant attention.

Seriously, if a woman doesn’t have to do ANYTHING to keep a man happy, what fun is that? Where’s the excitement of thinking up fun things to keep his interest? She’s going to value a nice guy the same way he values himself – not important. She’ll choose the confident guy who knows he’s as important as she is.

When you set your sights on winning someone’s attention don’t let yourself want it so desperately that you have nothing left to negotiate with. You’ve given her everything and there’s nothing else left in your wooing bag of tricks. You’re on the back foot in this duo and that makes you look weak.

It’s only human nature to assume that anything you get for free is worth what you paid for it. Same thing in the dating department. If your date doesn’t have to do anything to win your affection, you’ve established your value.

There is no secret to why the guy who’s labeled cocky wins with the women over the nice guy. The cocky guy comes across stronger, more confident and possessing more value. Why? He doesn’t invest everything he’s got in the first few days or weeks of a relationship. He doesn’t compliment her on everything, he isn’t always available and at her beck and call and most importantly, he knows he’s not going to lose the woman if she’s not available when he’d like to do something. His attitude is “fine, I’d like to do something with you but I’ve got other things going on too so we’ll catch up soon.” Then he goes alone or asks someone else. He has other things to do and doesn’t need to sit by the phone or computer waiting for her to take notice of him

Now that I’ve written all this, I think this could (and should) apply to women as well.

Everyone’s always talking about the differences between men and women. We’ve all read Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus, right? I’m sure all the differences people cite ARE true and if that’s so, how do people ever get together?

I’m reminded by a research study done a couple of years ago where a good looking man and an attractive woman went to a bar one evening. Their job? To see how many of the opposite sex would agree to meet for sex. It started off with the man. He went to 30 women, introduced himself and said he found her attractive and would she go back to his place for sex. All 30 said no. A few were insulted. Another few were insulted enough to complain to the manager.

Then the woman started out doing the same thing. She introduced herself to 30 men one after the other and said she found him attractive and would he go back to her place and have sex. 29 men said yes and one guy said he had just gotten engaged and he just couldn’t do it but wished her luck in finding someone else.

Why are the results so different? If you’re looking for an answer from me I don’t have one. I suspect it goes back to our prehistoric times when men shagged everything they could find to spread their seed and women wanted the best genes to pass on to her children. But then I think, haven’t we come a long, long way since then? Do men still need to spread their seed around and do women still need to find the best genes to pass on? Surely we have that sorted, right?

What this tells me is that if I want a man, I should think sex first, love next. If I’m a man and I want a woman I should think she needs love first and then she’ll want sex. Is it that easy?

I received a note from a SexyAds member today and thought I’d share bits of it with you. She wrote:

We’ve been dating exclusively for 5 months, seeing each other 4-5 times a week and having sex together. We do use condoms but I was beginning to feel safe enough to consider doing without them because we were exclusive. Last week he forgot his phone and I read two of his text messages. One was from a woman thanking him for a great time and the other was about plans for a first date when I will be at work. I was devastated and have not spoken to him since. Should I? I really like him but I feel awful.

Unless you are ready to accept that he needs more than one woman and you agree that it won’t bother you, there is no good that can come out of you speaking to him. That he went out with other women is no crime in my book. Swingers do it all the time. No, the problem as I see it is that he lied to you. He was dishonest when he said he would be exclusively dating you. He didn’t say he would be exclusive only when you weren’t working. You were exclusive to him and had the expectation of honesty in this relationship.

If you take him back, you must accept that you have set a precedent for putting up with his infidelity. I suggest sending him a text or email telling him why you don’t want to see him again and ask that he not contact you. Then move on. There are tons of great men on and offline now and heaps of them are looking for an exclusive relationship.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, peacocking is when there is something about you that can elicit conversation by acting as an icebreaker. Now there’s no magic shirt that will all of a sudden get you laid, but you can utilize small things to start a conversation and possibly get a smile. Get a smile, and you’ve got a promising start to any conversation.

A pink shirt might not do it for you but it’s certainly eye catching, isn’t it?

Got a cellphone capable of setting a ringtone? You can set a distinctive song to a particular good friend, and use that to your advantage. Whenever your friend calls, if there’s anyone interesting around, you can use a catch phrase from the song to greet your friend while simultaneously flashing a smile at the girl. This is great because the ringtone gets her attention, you get to smile while making eye contact – and now she’s just caught herself looking at you. This is the perfect time to take notice if she’s interested as people have trouble hiding interest in that half second.

Other methods such as bracelets, hats, shirts and shoes can act as conversation starters as well. Necklaces tend to be fairly standard so getting a comment on one is usually a fairly good indication of interest unless you have a remarkable necklace. Any time you get that extra glance or start a conversation using any of these things you can think to yourself – you didn’t even have to buy a porsche.