What is it about grown men and women who feel it necessary to give cutesy names to their private parts? You know I’ve been running an adult dating site for more than thirteen years and I thought I’d dealt with my frustrations pretty well — until today.

Just as people with blogs moderate all their comments, we do the same thing on our site. We won’t publish anything one of us hasn’t looked at. The risks are just too high. So imagine my eyes rolling around in my head when I saw these comments go past my eyes earlier today:

Him: Welcome to the site, I think you’re really pretty.
Her: Thank you very much, you’re not so bad yourself
Him: What sort of man are you looking for?
Her: Interesting, challenging, respectful & funny. Sexy wouldn’t hurt either.
Him: Do you have more photos of yourself?
Her: Yes
Him: Can I see them?
Her: I haven’t uploaded them and I’m not sure I will just yet, I’m new at this.
Him: You could send them to me privately.
Her: I’m not a VIP member and neither are you, so I think emailing will have to wait.
Him: You could cheat and sneak your email address to me.
Her: I’m not a cheat – are you?
Him: No, sorry about that.
Her: I’m off for now, time for lunch.
Him: Would you like to see my pickle?

The woman wrote and asked how to blacklist the guy because he was obviously not her type.

Guys, some women and maybe a lot of women don’t want their first hello to be overtly sexual. This woman knew that if she had said she had more photos he would have asked for nude ones. Oh I know it’s possible that he wouldn’t have but my experience is pretty clear that a lot of guys visit dating/networking sites for a bit of titillation and if one woman doesn’t put out, they move along to the next one.

The best advice I could possibly give to any man or woman seeking a new relationship – make friends first. Once you do that, nature takes over and there’s never any stress or games playing. The guy above would have have a real chance with the woman if he’d talked about his interests, what kinds of things made him laugh — showing that he had the qualities of interesting, challenging, respectful and funny that she was looking for. Oh she also said sexy and that’s the only word he saw. Sexy doesn’t mean showing your pickle – or anything else that you normally cover up in public.

We all know how great sex feels physically and emotionally but what do you feel when the sex is, dare I say… bad. This sexy old broad doesn’t have a lot of experience with bad sex but I’ve talked with a couple of women recently who say it can sometimes be a problem.

One women said that she’d met a guy online and they’d emailed and chatted back and forth for a few weeks before starting to chat about sexy things. She told me that the guy could really turn her on with his words and she felt like she knew him inside and out before she met him.

“In my mind, I knew exactly how sex was going to be between us — I just knew,” she said. She went on to say, “Then the day came when we were to meet and he arrived not looking *exactly* like the photo he sent to me.”

She’d been looking forward to his visit for 3 weeks and when his looks didn’t quite match his photo she was willing to give him the benefit of doubt because sometimes we all have photos taken that make us look really good. They chatted for a while and went out to dinner and when they got home, she was expecting some hot stuff to happen. They’d been chatting, emailing and talking on the phone for weeks and weeks and she was ready for some fun in bed.

“I really like the guy but as a lover, he was really crap,” she said. “Kissing him felt like I was taking a tongue bath from a St. Bernard and his idea of foreplay was tweaking my nipples and grunting – I couldn’t wait for it to end.”

I thought, “wow, how disappointing it would be to have that happen after so much emotional energy had been put into anticipating a fantastic first meeting.”

It reminded me of my own first meeting after meeting my husband online back in 1994. Pretty much what she said to me about anticipating the meeting I could have said myself. Only my meeting was just perfect and hers was a disaster.

She asked me what I would have done in that situation and I have to admit I’m a very selfish lover. If I was her I would have said that it wasn’t working for me and I would have ended it. I don’t believe in pity fucks. I don’t think it serves either of you to “endure” a sexual experience.

What’s more important in our quest for sexual intimacy – the journey or the destination? When we start dating someone, I know that lust kicks in pretty quickly and we can’t deny human nature. I think some people aren’t denying anything.

I was reading a few comments and ads yesterday on SexyAds.com and for some it appears that the destination is the only goal. Comments like, “snap one off” and “tear off a quick one” and “I can keep going every 10 minutes.” Whatever happened to dating to get to know someone? I can’t believe that we have evolved to a point where the journey to a satisfying relationship isn’t as important as a quick roll in the hay.

The destination or orgasm has never been as important to me as how I got there. I think that’s what intrigued me about the tantric sex stuff that I read about the other day. I find the longer I work up to it, the closer we become and the whole day seems to go well. LOL TMI? probably.

So what about you? is it the destination – that release of sexual tension or is it the journey to get there that’s most important to you?

So you’ve been chatting with someone you met online. You find yourself attracted to them and you seem to have great chemistry so you both decide to take things to the next step and meet for drinks, dinner or coffee. One great advantage to meeting someone from the internet is the ability to take your time and find out everything you need to know about them before deciding if they are worth meeting face to face.

I know it may seem like a downer to ask questions of someone you click with. The questions may not seem very sexy and they could possibly make them think you’ve already lost their trust or are suspicious of their intentions. The most important thing in life is your health and safety so don’t be afraid to protect yourself.

My list of recommended issues/questions to get out of the way before meeting:

1. Have you recently been test for STD’s?
Anyone can get a sexual transmitted disease. It doesn’t matter how sweet and innocent they claim to be, male or female, regardless of age, location, religion or otherwise. While it doesn’t make someone a bad person because they have or have had an STD, you certainly don’t want to catch something because your mate was dishonest with you or didn’t know they had an STD because they haven’t been tested. If the person you have been chatting with gets defensive about getting tested or refuses to do it I would end your discussions right there.

2. Do you have an acciction/substance abuse problem?
You don’t have to come right out and ask that very question, but you can ask about their drinking habits and if they use any recreational drugs and how often. Many people have substance abuse problems to one degree or another. Some hide their addictions and finding out someone has an addiction can be a very challenging issue in a relationship that you should be prepared to understand.

3. Have you cheated on any of your ex boyfriends/girlfriends?
While it’s true that many people have cheated on their ex’s, not everyone has and someone who has cheated in the past is definately more likely to do it again as it is a reflection on a person’s character. Don’t be afraid to ask if they have ever been unfaithful. If they admit it then at least you know they are honest:)

4. Do you have children?
This may seem obvious, but if you don’t ask they might not tell you for fear you will become disinterested in moving forward. Ask if they have been married and if they have children.

5. Have you ever had a same sex relationship or sexual encounter?
I know this might be an uncomfortable conversation to have, but it will be one of the most rewarding things to find out sooner than later. While most women would think this would be a bonus to know that his girlfriend/wife is interested in women sexually, this may not always be the case. Far more men that most people realize have had same sex encounters or desire to and should not be ashamed to admit it. The same goes for women.

Stay safe out there!