Anyone alive who’s ever been in a relationship either has been or risks getting dumped. What to do when that happens to you?

Step back and relax. There is nothing you can do right now to change anything. If he or she has just done the dumperoo, now is not the time to change anyone’s mind.

What you shouldn’t do is any of the following:

1. Calling him or her. As much as you want to hear their voice or try to convince them you’re “the one”, resist it. Maybe they’ll miss you and by calling you’ll sound desperate. See how the missing goes on their end first and maybe it’s your voice that they’ll ache to hear.
2. Send him or her an e-mail. This is the same as the phone call. You’re forcing them to listen to you and all you end up doing is wondering and worrying and not knowing.. did they get the mail? did they read the mail? why aren’t they answering? Maybe they deleted without reading. You will never know so don’t waste your time. You’re only setting yourself up for feeling bad all day and probably tomorrow too.
3. Give him or her advice. It’s going to do you no good at all to tell them they’ve made a mistake by dumping you. Remember this is their life and their choices and for whatever reason, you are not fulfilling the needs they have and they’re making a change. For most people it’s not a judgement on the quality of the person they’re dumping, it’s the unfulfilled needs they have. You can’t do anything about it and maybe for them, it’s not a mistake.
4. Expect him or her to come back. Regardless how much you took them for granted while you were together and regardless how much you know that’s going to change, expecting them to come back because of this is nonsense. It’s over. The chances of them coming back are miniscule, so start exploring your singlehood starting now. Make plans on how you’ll re-enter the dating world and how you’ll attract someone new (and better) into your life. Think about your needs and what sort of person you should attract to fill them.
5. Change. For goodness sake, don’t try to change or tell them you’ll try to change just to make the relationship continue. Chances are that there is nothing you could change that would get things back to where they were and if you had changed the habits they didn’t like before the dumping, you would have gotten dumped anyway. The love for you wasn’t there.

The most important thing to remember in any relationship breakup is that it is over. Endure the pain, knowing that it will go away and you’ll be left a better person more worthy of the next love in your life.

Many of you will succumb to what I call the Post Holiday Dumping Syndrome or PHDS. Why do I think you’re vulnerable, you ask?

It’s simple logic.

Many people in a relationship decide in the later months of the year that their feelings have changed and it’s time for a split-up. Not wanting distress during the long holiday season from before Thanksgiving til after New Year’s Day, many wait til the 2nd or 3rd week in January to make the cut. They might not want you to be alone during that time, or they don’t want to feel like a shit in front of their friends at this time of the year or most probably they need someone to go out to all the holiday events with right up to New Year’s Eve.

So, if you find that this week or next you’re a newly single person, don’t worry, I can help.

You’ll need to be quick and make some New Year’s resolutions (back dated) to get yourself back in dating mode and to boost your self esteem.

Sear these words into your consciousness:

1. I will not fall in love with the first sort of attractive person who crosses my path. Not the second or third either. If you want to fall in lust, be my guest.
2. I will take better care of the only body I have. I will drink less alcohol and eat more fibre. Nothing makes you grumpier than being full of crap.
3. I will update my wardrobe. I will dump all the holey undies and socks and get new ones. I will get good quality, well fitting clothes that don’t make me look like Donald or Daisy Duck.
4. I will learn conversation starters that are better than, “Great outfit, it would look nice in a heap on my floor.”
5. I will not get desperate about a lack of dates until the end of the first week of February. Nobody wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day, right?