Players, are all around, we’ve all seen them but too often it’s after we’ve fallen into the trap of no escape. How can you be sure you’re not fooled by someone who’s only in it for a game? Now I know that there are players on both sides and there are even some couples who are players. Before you all start yelling at me while I’m cleaning and not looking, we get more complaints from women about guys not being sincere than we do from men about women.

No nerves. Most people meeting for a first date tend to be a bit nervous or awkward but the player is always in control. He has an air of confidence, he’ll look you in the eye and he’ll give you a prize winning smile. Who wouldn’t swoon over that? You won’t because he’s not sincere. You’re a notch in his belt and once he knows you’ve fallen for him, he’s off to his next conquest.

Elaborate, romantic dates. With a player, it’s performance dating all the way. This guy knows what women will fall for, that’s why Internet scammers are so successful. The player will plan events that some people only dream about, but as soon as you’re hooked, he’s off to his next “love”.

Do you bungee jump? The player is always looking for thrills, always ripping the lid off his adrenaline jar. That’s why you’re so interesting at first. For him, it’s the thrill of the chase and once he’s reached the summit, your player will find you boring.

Online players. We’ve all heard about the guy who sweeps you off your feet through email or chat. He seems just perfect. Weeks go by and finally you say those 3 little words and tell him you would like to meet him. He tells you sure thing, he can’t wait to touch you, to hold you and more. The date comes and just before he’s to arrive, there’s a problem. He’s so sorry but he can’t make it, but it will be soon. Another date is set and another disappointment. You keep on waiting because he is so caring and romantic online, you can’t imagine that he’s just getting his kicks online and has no intention of meeting you. Is he married? Not all online players are married but many are.

Always stick with a nice guy. He might be a bit awkward at first but he’s friendly, caring and he remembers things you’ve said or important dates. He shows up when he says he will. He isn’t always interested in what will make him happy. A nice guy has friends and he can mingle in a group of people who are more or less accomplished than he is. He fits in wherever he goes. He’s not afraid to say I love you when it’s time and when it’s time he says it enough to make you feel terrific. Finally, a nice guy treats his momma right. In fact, most of the time he likes everyone in his family. A nice guy has been brought up to have a good set of values. You can trust a nice guy.

No, of course you don’t. You’ve learned that it can be very misleading. The same thing is true for people. Look at the meteoric rise of Susan Boyle, the UK’s Got Talent contestant. She walked on stage and nearly everyone in the theatre judged her by her looks. She said she wanted to sing on stage and you could see and hear the tittering. Then she opened her mouth and sang like an angel. You could see the change in expression on every face and they knew that they’d unjustly judged her because of how she looked.

Too often, people who are seeking partners at an adult dating or really any dating site do the same thing. They browse the photos just like the men who read Playboy. They don’t read the words that go with them. If you were looking for a new relationship and you saw Susan Boyle’s photo, would YOU contact her? My guess is, probably not unless you’re a really special person. She admits to not having dated so if you said no, you’d have a lot of company. Now that she’s a worldwide star, I’ll bet there are any number of people who’d love to get to know her because she’s proven there’s lots more behind the face and body. Now that they know more about her, there’s an attraction that couldn’t have been found before.

Last week we received a note from a guy who’d met a woman in our free chatroom and they talked for months. We’d see them nearly every evening in their favourite room. He had a photo posted on his profile and heaps of photos in his personal gallery but she had none. He kept asking and she kept putting him off. Privately one night she told me that she loved spending time with him but he was really good looking and she knew she wasn’t and didn’t want it to end. I felt sad when she told me that and I encouraged her to post a photo. Nope, she wasn’t interested. She was 100% convinced that once he saw what she looked like that he’d move on to someone she considered to be more attractive.

Finally he said he was coming to her town which was a fair distance from where he lived and he wanted to take her to dinner. Remember they’d been talking for months and had gotten really close, as you do when you chat with someone for that length of time. He said he wouldn’t take no for an answer and it didn’t matter to him what she looked like.

As you can imagine, he meant every word. He thought she was beautiful inside and out and he wrote to tell us he was going to ask her to move in with him just to test the waters and if that worked out ok, he wanted to marry her and stay with her forever.

Personally I’d much rather be with someone who treats me well, respects me in all ways possible, is able to laugh at himself and with others, is intelligent and fun to be around than to be with someone who stepped off a magazine page and treats me like crap.

Since the birth of the world wide web, millions of people have met through dating sites. I remember when I met my husband, before the www was available in Orlando, everyone I knew thought I had taken leave of my senses when I told them I was flying to Australia to meet a man I’d met through a local bulletin board system newsgroup feed (that dates me, doesn’t i?)

The year after we met we started our dating website and we’ve watched how online dating has become a positive alternative for most everyone. It’s certainly not the only way to meet someone but I have to say it beats meeting a drunk in a bar hands down.

Sure there are some creepy people on the net. There are creepy people at the grocery store, the gas station and even at the library. Do they bother you? No, you ignore them and move on to people you feel comfortable around. Same thing works on a dating site. Meeting someone online is safe, practical and it allows you to find out a lot about someone before you get all geared up to meet someone new.

Online dating has become an alternative and practical way to meet people that we can potentially date. Remember when Mom said there were more fish in the sea? It’s true. You can sort through any number of potential mates and refine your choice again and again so you won’t get a lemon. Not only can you find someone to date, most sites give you plenty of ways to interact with friends from all over the world. You don’t have to get dressed to go out – you can laugh and play online every night. For free!

If you haven’t tried online dating – give it a go. Follow all the safety suggestions about meeting in a public place and you won’t have to worry. If you don’t like it, delete yourself from the dating site and go hang out at the pub. Be careful there too.


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