Those people who bitch and moan that they can’t get a date really bother me. Why? I think it’s possible for everyone who really wants a date to get one. We might be saying we want a date with our mouths but the rest of us is saying “STAY AWAY!”

I was reading a note from a woman who was complaining that men didn’t like to date her because she was very well educated, used big words, had a powerful job and earned a lot of money – more money than the men who were in her date pool. I mean, really, what a load of horse hockey that is. Unless you’re Oprah Winfrey or someone equally wealthy, I don’t think her education or her job put her out of the dating market, do you? So I had a look at her photo and can you say school marm? She’s on a site called SexyAds and she’s wearing a navy blue business suit complete with lapel pin. In the gallery beside her is a woman wearing a tightish tank top. Knowing men like an old broad like me does, most men will choose the tank top because his eyes work faster than his mind.

This woman is not going to be left on the shelf if she realizes that her work life and her date life are different. If she’s used to ordering people around all day, fine, but her partner doesn’t want to be ordered around, nor does he want to be corrected every time he does something she thinks is inappropriate. Everyone wants cuddles and nurturing and dare I say it, hot sex, but we have to keep in mind that there are genetic differences in our approach to relationships.

She wrote back and said that there might be some validity to my arguments but she feels that it’s important to let people know when they’re doing something wrong. Hmmm. What might be wrong in her rule book of life might be totally all right in his book. I told her Dr. Phil’s line. “Do you need to be right or do you want to be happy?” Jury is still out.

Then I got an email from a guy who couldn’t get noticed to save his life. I looked up his profile and his ad was pretty crap so I told him I’d help him with that. Then I looked at his photo and all I could think of was, “this guy is gay.” Turns out he isn’t gay but that photo screamed it. Stick with me here. His photo was of him sitting in his family room in a chair that looked too small for him and he’s holding a guitar. He’s got a bracelet, earring and necklace on and in the background is the cleanest kitchen I’ve ever seen and a huge Kitchenaid mixer. Now I know that I jumped to a stereotypical conclusion but other women will too.

He wrote to me this morning and told me that the changed photo (no mixer, no jewels) and his changed ad have improved his noticeability tremendously. He said that he never looked at his profile the way someone else would look at it. I reminded him that if he were advertising his lawn mower on Ebay, he’d probably work harder on crafting a good ad than he had for looking for a life partner. Silly, when you look at it that way.

Getting the package right is so important. Don’t post a photo with empty beer cans on the night table and dirty undies on the floor. Don’t post a photo with your ex where you’ve scratched their face off and really really really don’t post a photo of you kissing someone else. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this and I roll my eyes every time.

This is for guys only. Most women spend hours getting ready for a date with you. We shower, put on scented lotions or perfume and we spend decades trying to decide what to wear so that you’ll find us attractive. Imagine how deflating it must feel to spend all that time getting our package right and someone arrives at her door and he hasn’t showered or shaved or done anything to say he’s put any preparation into this date with her. For me, nothing starts my motor more than hugging a freshly showered man.

LIKE THIS?

I’ve been really sick, sorry I haven’t been around. I’m finally coming around to the other side of it all and life’s good again. I had an employee once who had the best phrase – “so you’ve had palpeetus of the punk again?” Yep, guess so. She was 76 and still working in a factory. That old broad had spunk for three of us. She also had a wart on her tongue that would bounce between the gap in her lower teeth but maybe that’s more information than you need right now.

It’s been great to get back to work at sexyads.com. I was amazed at how much I missed working when for months before I got sick I had said how much I wanted a break. I had in mind a trip to Paris or Atlanta or anyplace fun. My own bed wasn’t “it”.

In my email inbox was a letter from a single mother who’d written to me a while back saying that she was finally ready to start dating but she couldn’t get past feeling like a bad person to get a babysitter to go out. Not only that, but how should she tell her date that she has a small child? Should she tell him even.

I gave her my advice that life is to be lived and at 4 years old, her kid was going to sleep through it all anyway. As for telling her date about her child, why bother until she knows if he’s worthwhile anyway. I’m of the opinion that you keep your kids out of it until you know whether you like the person or not. I suggested that she meet him and tell him over coffee, face to face. That would give him a chance to meet her and see how wonderful she is. If he would have wavered on hearing about the child via email, in person it might not be a big problem.

Anyway, in her mail today she’d met the guy at a local coffee shop and neither realized that their 30 minute coffee lasted nearly 2 1/2 hours. They enjoyed each other’s company so much that she’d been too busy to write. He knows about her little boy but she’s taking my advice and not introducing them too soon. I’m all for protecting the littlies until you know for sure that he’s a keeper.

LIKE THIS?

A woman in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida has tried nightclubs and online dating sites, but now the 42-year-old single mother is looking for love where everyone else’s heart is breaking: the real estate market.

She’s struggling financially and doesn’t want to lose her house, so the former real estate agent who’s been alone for 8 years has decided to market her house and herself in one big package deal.

“I figured, let’s combine the ad, because I’m looking for love and I’m looking to sell the house,” said Devon Trabosh, a Barbie-esque blonde who teeters around the nearly 2,000-square-foot house in patent leather heels.

“Marry a Princess Lost in America,” Trabosh wrote in the ads she posted on eBay and Craigslist last week. She describes a life of romance and travel and a home decorated with vaulted ceilings, upgraded tile and a soaking tub in a gated community with a pool and tennis courts.

“I came up with this dream plan, because I’ve always dreamed about being a fairy-tale princess,” says Trabosh who admits to being fond of being rescued by a knight in shining armour.

She listed the home for $340,000 on a sell-it-yourself Web site but upped the price, adding a $500,000 shipping fee to include her companionship on eBay, but eBay removed her ad because they won’t allow ads for bodies or relationships.

Trabosh hasn’t received any serious offers but says she’s had nearly 500 responses, mostly positive and one handsome Italian she’s hoping to meet in Miami in a few weeks. They’ve been e-mailing since her ad went online.

Not everyone approves. Her 14 year old daughter says her mother is embarrassing her and some have emailed her saying she shouldn’t have to sell herself to find love.

“I know I’m putting myself out there. I’m sincere. I believe in true love,” she said. “I want to get married again.”

I think everyone deserves happiness. I can’t believe that a woman that looks like Trabosh can’t get a date. If she’s been trying online dating sites, she obviously hasn’t found the right one. She should call me.

Have you ever met someone through the net and wondered if they were being honest? My personal experience is different but I’ve heard from enough people who’ve met people that they had a feeling they were lying about something.

Don’t spend one minute with someone who’s not on the up and up. There are too many good ones to saddle yourself with a loser. When you are ready to meet someone for the first time, here are some clues to watch out for.

Body Language

• The person will make little or no eye contact with you. If they’re lying, they’ll do everything to avoid direct eye contact.
• Gestures will be limited. Hand and arm movements will be more mechanical than animated.
• They’ll touch their face and neck but won’t touch their body, especially with an open hand on their chest.
• They might shrug their shoulders trying to relax themselves in an effort to look casual.

Consistency

• Timing is off between gestures and words. Their facial expression won’t match the timing of the words. For instance, "I’m really angry with you," and a frowning face doesn’t happen at the same time – the frown comes later.
• Gestures don’t match the words. Saying "I love you," and frowning says they’re insincere. Clenched fists while making a statement of pleasure is insincere.
• The emotions of happiness, surprise, awe and love will be expressed by the mouth but not the whole face.

On the Defensive

• When wrongfully accused, only a guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will go on the offensive.
• They are reluctant to face their accuser and may turn their head or shift their body away from you.
• Liars commonly slouch and are unlikely to stand up straight with arms out.
• You’ll see movement away from you – like toward the door.
• There will be no body contact while they’re trying to convince you that you’re wrong.
• They might put something between you as a physical barrier, such as a glass, pillow or other object as a non-verbal way of saying they don’t want to talk about it

Nobody wants to be with someone who’s dishonest. Let’s face it, if they lie to you about one thing, you’ll never trust them anyway. Don’t waste one minute with someone who lies to you because you’ll always be unhappy.