Only a few people I’ve known have ever been rejected by someone, so why do so many people fear rejection?

So often I hear people talk in the chatroom or read forum posts where they’ll say that they are so uncomfortable with rejection that it’s easier just to walk away than make the attempt. Then some go on to say that’s why they love meeting through the internet because through the anonymity the feel, there is no fear of rejection. That’s all well and good but at some point you need to meet face to face or the rumpy pumpy action that we all love so much is never going to happen.

Sure, whenever you decide not to contact someone or decide not to ask someone out, those fear feelings in your gut go away instantly, but what’s left is that sinking guilty feeling of knowing how much better your life would be with a special person to share it with.

What’s all wrong about this is that you’re worried about the fear more than the rejection. Most people are not rude or crude if they aren’t interested, they simply say no thanks or come up with an excuse that limits their own risk of confrontation. So it’s the fear you need to conquer not the rejection.

Next time you want to ask someone out (and this applies equally to men and women) go for it. Don’t think about being rejected and if you’re turned down with a no thank you it’s not a rejection of you. Trust me, you’ll get over it in less than 15 minutes. It will hurt less than getting a parking ticket and will cost much less. You put that experience into your bag of tricks and move on to a scrumptious new target. Just as some people don’t interest you, you are not rejecting them, only choosing to select someone who better fits your ideal mate.

The important thing to remember is, you’re never going to get anywhere until you conquer the fear.

Ok, as you all know, I run a large adult dating site and we have lots of members looking for new partners. Over the years I have been amazed that so many men think that if a woman feels sexy she must by definition be a slut. It drives me nuts. Our site is so mild compared to others in our niche. We exist to acknowledge that sex is a part of every healthy relationship. It’s not all of a relationship, nor is it even a huge part, but we consider it to be one of the most important parts.

We started SexyAds after my husband and I met through a personal ad on the net in 1994. The WWW didn’t exist in Orlando at the time, nor was it in my husband’s town in Australia. We met through a newsgroup and then chatted on an old MUD chatroom. It was certainly “the old days” of the Internet. We had both been through a sexless marriage and were both determined that our next relationship would have a healthy dose of passion and intimacy. I’m not talking about sex, sex, sex, but a relationship where there are lots of hugs and kisses and ass patting and smiling at each other. Fortunately we found it.

I traveled 10,000 miles for our first date and I’d do it again tomorrow. Fast forward and now nearly 14 years later, we’re still kissing, hugging, smiling and we don’t miss out on the ass patting either.

So why do these men write to perfectly normal women who consider themselves sexy and say things like, “come fuck me and then leave, we’ll both be happy”? They wouldn’t say that to a strange woman in the grocery store — but I suppose the anonymity of the net makes everything seem ok. It’s not.

A woman who’s been on our site for about 4 months wrote to me today and was very upset because she was clear in her ad that she considered herself to be really sexy and wanted a man that would encourage that side of her. She said she did not want to get any photos except face pics. But what did she get in yesterday’s mail?

“I can encourage your sexy side you fucking slut. If you want to be trained in sex I’ve got the hardware.” To prove it he sent a private photo of his dick.

I just shake my head in wonder sometimes. These same men who write this shit then complain to us that we don’t have any real women. The “real women” who would answer emails like those are about .00038% of all women seeking relationships. Most women just delete the offensive emails and move on.

If you’re a guy and you’re looking for a woman for any kind of relationship, it’s all about respect. The men who treat women well, get most of the dates. I’ve seen men in our chatrooms and forums pick up dates left and right, because they pay attention to what the women want. If a woman considers herself sexy — relish, nurture and treasure that and she’ll stay sexy forever.

Every once in a while I cover for one of the support staff and that’s what I’ve done for much of the day today. (Nobody ever needs a day off during the week but weekends - there’s often a drama.) I can’t get over what some people write as an advertisement to lure a prospective partner.

I like haveing if your in get messy or mudy or like to go fishing let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only wouldn’t I respond to it but frankly I haven’t any idea what it means, other than the fishing. He’s probably a lovely guy but he’ll get nowhere with an ad like that.

laddies I have the best toung so you sweat things start writing

Hold me back! I might be a sweat thing but geez.. we offer them a spell checker and they’re too lazy to use it. We even turn it on by default.

I am seeking man which love me forever and is kind and have good job and I will take care of him and be sex with him

Can you say scammer? Why men fall for these I don’t know. We delete them every time we see them and we read every ad so not many get by us. I can imagine a smoky room full of men in Kiev all creating ads on every dating site imaginable and then telling the respondents how badly they need a new pair of jeans or perfume or need money to help their sick child. Bleh!

Most people on dating sites are people who you see at the grocery store or the beauty salon.. they’re real. They have bumps and blemishes and they’re quite wonderful. Just use your head and please - I really mean please, read your ad before you hit the final submit. You’ll thank me later.

What is it with some people when they fall in love? We see our friends and family falling in love with twits and jerks and floozies and no matter what we say, they can’t see it. Turns out there is a real biological reason why we can’t see the faults in those we love. If we could easily see the faults of our lovers, the ardor we feel would reduce and we wouldn’t want sex with them any longer and without sex there aren’t any babies and without babies, the species dies.

I have this friend, I’ll call her Sarah because if I used her real name she’d kill me. Sarah is dating a really handsome man but that’s all he’s got going for him. Sarah has family money, a good education, she has her own medical practice and she’s attractive. The guy is a total dork. He has a crappy job that he always complains about and when you see them together he’s always putting her down. I made a comment about it the other night and she told me I was dreaming. She honestly couldn’t see it and didn’t want to hear about it so I shut up.

All I could think of was my really good friend Sarah was seriously head over heels for this money grubbing lout of a man. I do realize that he is her choice and that she loves him just as he is. I take comfort in knowing that the heat of the affair will dampen and she’ll see him for what he is. She’s a bright woman and I fully expect her to call me in about 6 months to tell me that she’s thrown his lousy butt out.