What is it with some people when they fall in love? We see our friends and family falling in love with twits and jerks and floozies and no matter what we say, they can’t see it. Turns out there is a real biological reason why we can’t see the faults in those we love. If we could easily see the faults of our lovers, the ardor we feel would reduce and we wouldn’t want sex with them any longer and without sex there aren’t any babies and without babies, the species dies.

I have this friend, I’ll call her Sarah because if I used her real name she’d kill me. Sarah is dating a really handsome man but that’s all he’s got going for him. Sarah has family money, a good education, she has her own medical practice and she’s attractive. The guy is a total dork. He has a crappy job that he always complains about and when you see them together he’s always putting her down. I made a comment about it the other night and she told me I was dreaming. She honestly couldn’t see it and didn’t want to hear about it so I shut up.

All I could think of was my really good friend Sarah was seriously head over heels for this money grubbing lout of a man. I do realize that he is her choice and that she loves him just as he is. I take comfort in knowing that the heat of the affair will dampen and she’ll see him for what he is. She’s a bright woman and I fully expect her to call me in about 6 months to tell me that she’s thrown his lousy butt out.

I know, you were thinking I was going to write about THAT being big enough but no, that’s not where we’re going today.

I’m talking about body size and even body shape. It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are, there is someone for you that will love the way you look and the attraction will be instant. We’re all created with different desires. Some men like chubby women, some like skinny women and some like super sized women. Some women like tall men, some like big bear-like mean and some like small men. Nobody knows why we have these desires because you know they would have told the Sexy Old Broad about it.

My experience over the past 11 years in the dating business has shown me over and over again that size is never an issue unless the object of your desire doesn’t desire your particular shape. Does that make sense? While your size is not a problem for some people, it will be for others. You might be too thin to trip his or her trigger or you might be too heavy.

If you start this dating stuff, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get this man or that woman. It’s not about rejecting you, instead they are selecting someone who better fits what gets their motor going. You have no control over that so don’t even try. Just move on.

There are millions of people looking for a partner and there are many who’ll like you just the way you are. If someone says they’d like you better if you gained or lost 20 pounds — LOSER ! Don’t waste your time. You’re worthy in the skin you’re in.

Lighten up!! Too many people take this dating stuff WAY too seriously. I’ve heard from some women who go out and buy something new to wear on a date with a new guy. Come on!!

Why not go out on dates as friends without all the expectations and see where it leads. If it leads nowhere, you’ve lost nothing. Yes, the biological clock is ticking but it won’t make a relationship where there is no interest.

If you go into every date worrying that you’ll say or do something silly and this person won’t like you or won’t want to see you again, you’re setting yourself up for unhappiness. Every time a relationship doesn’t work you’ll blame yourself.

It’s not about you. You wouldn’t blame the other person if YOU didn’t want to see them again. They weren’t what you were looking for at the time. Just like buying socks. Today you don’t want red socks. You don’t hate the red socks. The red socks haven’t done anything to piss you off. You just don’t want red socks today. Maybe you will one day, but not today.

So next time you have a date with a new person, wear something comfortable and go along for a good time. Promise yourself that you won’t expect anything to happen but a lot of laughs. Be yourself. Be happy. That’s when good things happen.

Are you seeking a new relationship or know someone who is? I see and hear from people every day who range from actively seeking to wishing a new love would fall from the sky and miraculously fall in love with them.

One of the most common patterns I see are the people who say, “I’m looking but I doubt I’ll find him (or her.)”

What’s that all about? I’ll tell you what.. they see themselves as losers and that’s the message they are sending out to the world. Because they see themselves as losers they will never attract the best people into their lives.

Think about your own situation or that of a friend of yours. We all know the man or woman who can always get a date. Sadly, we also know the man or woman who seems to be always left out when the dating sides are chosen. The difference is in the first situation, that person knows their desirable and worth dating and they project that to the person they are trying to connect with. In the second situation, that person knows they’re a loser and that’s what they project.

How to stop being a loser?

It’s all about self-talk. If you don’t see yourself as a winner, there are things you can do. To being with, talk to yourself. The job is to go from feeling like a loser to feeling like a winner. You can’t do it overnight but you CAN pretend. When you comb your hair in the mirror, tell yourself how cute you are. When you brush your teeth, look at that face and tell yourself that you’re loveable. In the beginning, put notes on your mirror so you don’t forget. Remember that you’ve spent many years creating this negativity so you’ll need the reminders.

Next, whenever you think a negative thought about yourself, IMMEDIATELY say to yourself, “Stop.. I am NOT (whatever it is you’re thinking). I am (whatever it is you do want to be.)” In a short period of time, you’ll find that the negative thoughts about yourself will change.

These two activities alone will bring you much more confidence and it will show to everyone around you. You’ll find yourself getting a new haircut or a new outfit just because you want to feel good and you know you deserve it.