I’ve got this neighbor who always calls his wife sweetums or honeypie and I want to gag every time we’re at a neighborhood event. She’s right out of the Stepford Wives anyway but that’s another story. When we’re at home, the mister will call me dear or honey if he wants me to do something for him like make him a sandwich or wash his undies, but otherwise, he uses my name.

Why? Nothing sounds as good to someone as hearing their name. It’s a sound that validates us as human beings. Not only that, if your spouse or partner only use names like sweetie or honey or snookums, maybe it’s because they can’t remember your name.

Now when it comes to calling strangers pet names, that REALLY gets my goat. If a man came up to a man he did not know, what would happen if he called him sweetie or hon? Why is it ok for men to do that to women they don’t know? In my view when a man does that he’s talking down to the woman as if she were inferior or worse yet, childish. When my kids were small I called all their friends sweetie because I could never remember their names, but it is patronizing for a man to do it to a woman.

If you want to impress people, use their names. Can’t remember names? Practice it. When you meet someone say their name 3 times in the conversation and you’ll never forget the name.

There are days that I am and then I try to stop myself and think about how lucky I am. Once I do that, I immediately start to feel grateful for all that I have.

My ex-husband is probably the grumpiest person I’ve ever known. He’s a brilliant man and has a lot of good qualities but his negative personality is not fun to be around. I’ve often thought that if he concentrated on what he has and how wonderful it feels, then he’d be happier. Maybe not. Maybe it’s just me wishing he had a better life.

When you’re not feeling on top of your game, try thinking about how lucky you are. No matter what’s going wrong in your life, there’s a lot that is right about it. You probably have two arms and two legs, feel relatively healthy, have a family who puts up with you when you’re grumpy, a job that pays you enough to live, sunshine much of the time, rain when you need it - and I could go on but I’d have to throw up from grateful overdose.

When we are grateful, we’re happy. When we’re happy we attract other happy people to us. That makes everyone happier. If you’re having a bad day, try it and let me know.

To my best friends, I promise these 10 things:

1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. I’m the Heimlich queen.

3. When you smile — I will know you are plotting something that must include me.

4. When you are scared — I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you have no more fear.

5. When you are worried — I will tell you stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit complaining.

6. When you are grumpy — I will pop the backs of your knees with mine until you fall down laughing.

7. When you are confused — I will use little words.

8. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well. I don’t want whatever you have.

9. When you fall — I will help you up but not before I point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

10. When you have to pee — Don’t look at me, I don’t follow other women to the rest room.

This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask; “because you are my friend”.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it,
But only you can feel the true warmth.