This is what 2nd graders think about mothers.

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from mens’ bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such an idiot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t have spare time.
2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know, her hair. I’d die it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

To all you mothers – Happy Mother’s Day to you all. It’s a tough job, that’s why you were chosen.

A difficult decision when you’re dating someone (or a few someone’s) is how to approach Christmas and gift giving. At this time of year I get more than a few emails asking for advice about how much is enough? What messages are you sending if you spend extravagantly on somone or buy only a card? I agree that doing it right can be a daunting task because the reality is, many people will look at the gift you give as indication of how serious you consider the relationship to be.

My suggestion to men is always the same. Go for the romantic. Choose something that will remind her of what she means to you. The best gift that Jayce ever gave me was for my birthday while we were still in the long distance relationship phase. We’d met in person the month before and we were madly in love. He copied every email we’d ever sent to each other to a floppy disk (who has got one of those now?) and wrapped them up in a pink ribbon and mailed them to me with a really sweet card. It cost him nothing and nearly 17 years later I still remember it as the best gift because he showed how much he valued what we’d said to each other. The first were getting to know each other emails and then they showed how things progressed between us.

For women who are in a long distance relationship I also have one suggestion. Buy some sexy underwear and put it on and take photographs of yourself. Wrap up the photos AND the underwear in a pretty package. *Maybe* there would be a man who wouldn’t appreciate this gift but I haven’t met him yet!

Your gift should send the proper message. If you think this person is the real deal and you want this relationship to go far – get the romance going. Guys, women don’t want your worn undies – we won’t be impressed that you’ve sent us your laundry. Ladies, most men don’t want a stuffed bear holding a heart.

What suggestions do you have for people who are struggling to get the right gift?

To Americans at home and around the world (like me), I hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving Day holiday. I’m thankful for every one of you who visit Sexy Old Broad and especially thankful for those who leave me comments.

I’ll be celebrating in New Zealand where it’s a beautiful, cloudless summer day. It doesn’t feel much like the Thanksgivings I’m used to after growing up in Maine, but I’m grateful for every blessing I have.

If you’re alone for the holiday, don’t make it a big deal. Just think of it as just another day. If you lived in New Zealand it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving and life will go on remarkably well spending an ordinary Thursday.