When you’re driving home after work, do you lust for the one you’re with? You should.

I see many married or attached people coming to sites like ours and I have to wonder what happened to the lusty feelings that these two people once had. Why did they allow it to die?

Good sex doesn’t have to be complicated. In the beginning of most relationships couples may stay in bed for hours at a time talking, laughing, having sex, kissing, talking, having sex again, daydreaming, making out and maybe even having more sex. Desire, arousal, and passion – well, they’re seemingly effortless. No complications, couples just enjoy erotic fun and intimacy. So why can’t we keep it like that?

The old saying familiarity breeds contempt could come into play in some relationships. We forget why we fell for our partner in the first place. Can we get that feeling back after being hurt or angered? I don’t know. I do believe that we can get past most unpleasant bits in our relationship because underneath it all is a deep love and respect for one another.

I think it’s really easy to take our partner/spouse for granted. I think we all do it from time to time. Some way more so than others, I might add. Most of us live predictable lives and surround ourselves with familiar people, objects and places. In the beginning it was all new and exciting. Nothing predictable happened because there were so many things to discover about your partner. We stayed in an excited state of mind. We need to keep in mind the value of exciting, pleasurable sex.

It is important to realize that every single day you make a choice about your relationship. Every day that you stay with your partner you “re-choose” them whether consciously or unconsciously – but you do it. Perhaps it’s only to say, “I’ll give it 3 more months,” but it’s a choice none the less. If you think about going home and you feel no lust whatsoever for the person who’s waiting for you to arrive, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t let life slip through your fingers while you wait for things to get better. You can’t change people, you can only change yourself and that changes everything.

There are many who would say that a woman’s sex drive slows to a splutter as soon as she has the ring on her finger, but is that really the case? I’m one who firmly thinks it’s not the case at all.

So what’s the reason she’s not jumping in the sack just like she did when they were dating? Probably a lot of reasons but what I hear most from the women who talk to me from the website are:

• He expects me to work a full-time job and do everything to keep the house running smoothly. His mother did it and I think he feels I should too. He works the same number of hours I do and he mows the lawn on Saturday morning. That’s it. He doesn’t do the washing, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, windows, shopping, cooking, dishes or the shopping for family gifts (even his own family). It’s always up to me. I do love him but I don’t like him much any more and I don’t find him at all sexy.
• He used to make me feel so special before we were married and now it’s only me leaving little notes, buying him surprises, making plans for a night out for the two of us. It’s like he’s a single man in a married household. He thinks nothing of stopping off at the bar for a few drinks and ending up there for the evening. I love him but I am resentful and I don’t feel sexy any more.
• I’m just too tired. I wish I had the energy he does but after working all day and taking care of the kids and the house and the cooking and cleaning, I’m dead on my feet. If he’d do a bit more to help out around here I’d have more time to feel sexy. He thinks that anything to do with the house is my job (although I work full time) and anything he does I should appreciate because he’s “helping me.” If I asked him to move out he’d want half of this house, you can be sure of that so he should at least clean up his half!
• Being married isn’t what I thought it would be like. I thought it would be like dating only better and it’s not. I don’t enjoy waiting on him. I keep saying to myself, when’s my turn?
• My husband hovers over me like a wet cloth. He wants to know where I am at all times and he isn’t happy if I don’t report in. Who’d find that sexy?

Of course these women were online looking for someone to flirt with and perhaps they were a bit angry or frustrated, but I think some men need to realize that a relationship is a partnership and a wife isn’t going to accept what his mother did. If he wants her to desire him like she used to, then he needs to create the same environment.

I know I’ll hear from a lot of men who say they do all the right things and she still isn’t interested and to them I say, you have a real problem and she or you as a couple need some professional help because things are not going to get better on their own.