I was asked today why I think online dating helps nearly 1 in 5 people who are seeking a new relationship or more friends. At first I thought, “well, I’ll just Google that” and then I thought, “I KNOW the reasons – I’ve lived it for nearly 17 years.” So here goes.

Online dating widens your search pool. Not all of us have a huge circle of friends who are actively trying to introduce us to the newest hottie in town. Not all of us have time to spend in clubs, taverns, pubs, golf clubs, Rotary, local sports etc. So what does someone who has little time and a lot of desire do? They go online. In minutes they have thousands of profiles to browse through, people to chat to and a few that they’ll make an effort to meet in real life.

Helps overcome shyness. If you’re quite shy, the prospect of meeting a woman in a crowded room probably makes you shake in your boots. Online dating is the shy person’s savior! You can get to know someone slowly through email and chat and when you finally meet, you’ll be meeting a friend, not a stranger. You’ll already have a relationship and you know what interests you share. Easy.

Dating sites are open when you’re ready. You can’t sleep so you go to the computer and there are always people to talk to, comments, emails or cards to send. The door is always open and you can visit in your underwear.

Explore your fantasies and desires. Let’s say you’ve always had a hankering to explore your sexuality and you’ve held great curiosity about spanking for instance. This isn’t something you can walk up to a woman at a party and say, “Want to get together later and if you’ve been naughty I’ll pull your panties down and spank you.” Online, people lose that inhibition and will discuss most anything with a stranger. The safety of anonymity lets us open up and see what feels good in a safe environment.

Show off. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard women and men tell me that playing on video cam in a sexual way makes them feel like a million bucks. They flash their bits and get instant feedback about how sexy they are, how desirable they are, how beautiful they are — it’s a buzz for those who enjoy this.

Do I think online dating is successful for everyone? No. Some people just don’t get how it works and aren’t interested in making it work. They expect to join and potential partners will flood their profiles. That’s not how it works. It takes a bit of effort.

Too often I hear from people who’ve been in the dating market for a while who say, “I never get lucky,” “Nobody ever replies to me,” “You have to be a bad boy to get a date,” “Nobody wants a nice guy.” Hogwash to them all. Of course they’re never going to get a date because they’re always whining about their bad luck.

Ever notice how we’re attracted to positive people? We want to be around them because we feel good. That’s the kind of person we all want to be.

If you think you’re never going to get a date, that’s exactly what you’re going to get. Forget The Secret, it’s more basic than that. The old saying if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you can’t — is true in this instance as well. We all say that someone with confidence is attractive and the alternative is true too. If you’re always looking at the glass half empty that’s what you’re going to get.

Change that tune in your head. It’s certainly possible to do that. Whenever you think those icky thoughts, stop and remind yourself that this is nasty brain programming that has happened over time and it is not true. It’s a belief you have but it is not valid and probably was never valid.

Look in your mirror every morning and say hello to the New You. “I’m a happy, healthy wonderful person and people will enjoy being around me today.” Try it, it could change your life.

Long distance relationships can work.

How do I know? I’ve lived it!

On Sunday morning, J asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him. I’m on help desk duty at SexyAds.com on weekends so I hesitated for a few minutes before saying yes. I hate to leave even for an hour when I’m on the job, but something in his request told me I should go.

I’m really glad I did. FIFTEEN YEARS ago to the day that I answered his personal ad on the net. I can’t believe it’s been that long because I still find him really sexy and I love him to bits. What happened to the old belief that the passion dwindles but the love increases? It hasn’t happened to us and we’re not very unique, so that tells me that it IS possible to have love AND passion even after 15 years.

I met J when I lived in a little community east of Orlando, Florida. He was in Australia. It took us nearly 3 years to decide that we wanted to live on the same continent but not because we didn’t care for each other. It was a huge leap for me to leave my family and friends and move to a place where I didn’t know the customs and a lot of words are different and the lifestyle is different too.

Any regrets? Absolutely not. I still miss my family and new grandchildren have come into the world without Granny there, so there are sacrifices in any relationship where one person has to move to be with the other.

If you’ve been wary about pursuing a long distance relationship, take my advice. It’s much better to have the right person than a close person.

If you are lacking in the fireworks department, you’ve got a brand new year to start over! Wave all the bad experiences goodbye and turn over a new leaf. If you haven’t tried an adult dating site and you’re looking for companionship or a relationship, I invite you to check out SexyAds.com. It’s not for kids and the average age of the members is 35. You won’t see sexy stuff unless you ask for it, so it’s safe to have a look.

Within minutes you could find yourself chatting with people from next door or from across the world. Liven up your life and meet new people. Online dating has gone mainstream and people around the world have accepted it as a legitimate way of meeting new friends.

Everyone knows the goal is to meet on an actual live dates where there is physical and verbal contact but meeting online makes it really easy – especially if you’re on the shy site. You deal with one person at a time and have plenty of time to think about what to say next, unlike meeting a stranger in person for the first time. You don’t have to worry about looks either. It’s the words that come across to show what kind of people you are, what values you have, what interests you share.

Don’t spend another year without a hottie in your life. I’m convinced there is someone special for everyone. Take charge of your life and make something wonderful happen this year.


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