When you’re driving home after work, do you lust for the one you’re with? You should.

I see many married or attached people coming to sites like ours and I have to wonder what happened to the lusty feelings that these two people once had. Why did they allow it to die?

Good sex doesn’t have to be complicated. In the beginning of most relationships couples may stay in bed for hours at a time talking, laughing, having sex, kissing, talking, having sex again, daydreaming, making out and maybe even having more sex. Desire, arousal, and passion – well, they’re seemingly effortless. No complications, couples just enjoy erotic fun and intimacy. So why can’t we keep it like that?

The old saying familiarity breeds contempt could come into play in some relationships. We forget why we fell for our partner in the first place. Can we get that feeling back after being hurt or angered? I don’t know. I do believe that we can get past most unpleasant bits in our relationship because underneath it all is a deep love and respect for one another.

I think it’s really easy to take our partner/spouse for granted. I think we all do it from time to time. Some way more so than others, I might add. Most of us live predictable lives and surround ourselves with familiar people, objects and places. In the beginning it was all new and exciting. Nothing predictable happened because there were so many things to discover about your partner. We stayed in an excited state of mind. We need to keep in mind the value of exciting, pleasurable sex.

It is important to realize that every single day you make a choice about your relationship. Every day that you stay with your partner you “re-choose” them whether consciously or unconsciously – but you do it. Perhaps it’s only to say, “I’ll give it 3 more months,” but it’s a choice none the less. If you think about going home and you feel no lust whatsoever for the person who’s waiting for you to arrive, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t let life slip through your fingers while you wait for things to get better. You can’t change people, you can only change yourself and that changes everything.

How do you feel about sex personally? Is sex something that you approach in a casual way or do you need a deeper connection to have satisfying sexual realtions with another person? Would you consider a no-strings-attached relationship with someone?

All of these are heady questions and all would take a bit of soul searching to arrive at the right answer for you. There IS no right answer for everyone. People who want to make rules for other people regarding their sexuality are stepping into an area that they don’t belong.

A no-strings-attached relationship is one where both parties want to remain friends and occasionally get it on. Some have these partnerships when they are between relationships and some make use of a friend on the side while in a relationship.

If sex always means love and commitment to you, being friends with benefits is not going to work for you. If sex can be a more casual thing to you, then I think it’s possible that you can get together with a friend and agree to do that and not get too emotionally tied up.

An acquaintance of mine swears by a no strings attached friendship. She says when she’s single, this sort of “backup” helped her make better choices in relationships. She wasn’t choosing someone because she was horny. It would never be for me because sex, love and commitment go together in my book of life.

How many times do we women ask stupid questions like this? Does it matter? Your ass isn’t going to look smaller unless you’re wearing a loose, free flowing skirt, so why worry about it? We’re all going to wear pants and jeans and shorts because that’s what we feel comfortable in.

Should you ask your husband, partner or boyfriend this question? NO. Firstly because it’s a stupid way to get a compliment on your ass and secondly, if they know what’s good for them, they won’t say yes.

If you are desperately seeking a compliment or some confirmation that your sweetie still thinks you’re wonderful, why not come up with a much more clever way to get what you want. Ask for it.

“Honey, I got this outfit because I thought you’d like it, what do you think?” will work wonders. You have a good chance of getting a compliment on your choice but you also have a chance of finding out what he likes if he doesn’t like this one. It also gives you a chance to let him know that you like dressing in ways that are pleasing to you both.

A close friend of mine has been in what I call a disolving relationship for over a year. They no longer communicate much and when they do it’s barely civil. Why do they stay together? It’s for the children, they say. Of course it is.

I look at these kids who seem to be crying out for peace and happiness. The kids are teenagers so they are pretty cluey as to what’s going on. So what IS the best time to end it? How do you know for sure that there isn’t a chance to save it all?

There is not one best time I don’t think. If you are involved in an unhealthy relationship and that could be a romantic relationship like my friends or a work situation or a bust-up with a family member, don’t wait til you are so negative that you hurt people you love. You might find yourself nitpicking at your kids, no patience with your husband or wife or snappy at work. This is just going to add to the misery that’s your life right now. If you’re in a shit situation, it’s time to remove yourself.

I know when I left home, my kids were teenagers and the week after we left my son said, “Have you noticed how peaceful it is now?” Poor kid felt like he was walking on egg shells for months. I felt terribly guilty.

When you’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship every day seems a month long. You find yourself on the brink of despair and can’t imagine reaching your goals. Don’t wait til you start believing all the negative words spoken against you because then you’ll need superhuman energy to leave.

If you’re staying for the kids, make sure that it’s what’s best for your kids. It’s not better for them to live in strife and confusion day in and day out. Having them happy with you and happy with their other parent can be much better in the long run. They can’t learn what a loving relationship is where they are.

There is no job worth being unhappy about long term. Every job is pretty crap in some way, that’s why they call it work. If you find that you don’t feel good about yourself or you find you’re forcing yourself to get up and go to work, start looking for another job.

Family is very important but if a family member is causing pain for you, make the split and separate yourself from this person. You can always come back and sort it out down the road, but you’ve given yourself some breathing (and healing) room.

Remember, you are the most important person in your life. Always. When you’re ok, then you have the time, energy and love to give to others and they will be a zillion times happier. There is no joy in being a martyr.

Peace. Love. Out.