Everyone’s always talking about the differences between men and women. We’ve all read Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus, right? I’m sure all the differences people cite ARE true and if that’s so, how do people ever get together?

I’m reminded by a research study done a couple of years ago where a good looking man and an attractive woman went to a bar one evening. Their job? To see how many of the opposite sex would agree to meet for sex. It started off with the man. He went to 30 women, introduced himself and said he found her attractive and would she go back to his place for sex. All 30 said no. A few were insulted. Another few were insulted enough to complain to the manager.

Then the woman started out doing the same thing. She introduced herself to 30 men one after the other and said she found him attractive and would he go back to her place and have sex. 29 men said yes and one guy said he had just gotten engaged and he just couldn’t do it but wished her luck in finding someone else.

Why are the results so different? If you’re looking for an answer from me I don’t have one. I suspect it goes back to our prehistoric times when men shagged everything they could find to spread their seed and women wanted the best genes to pass on to her children. But then I think, haven’t we come a long, long way since then? Do men still need to spread their seed around and do women still need to find the best genes to pass on? Surely we have that sorted, right?

What this tells me is that if I want a man, I should think sex first, love next. If I’m a man and I want a woman I should think she needs love first and then she’ll want sex. Is it that easy?

I received a note from a SexyAds member today and thought I’d share bits of it with you. She wrote:

We’ve been dating exclusively for 5 months, seeing each other 4-5 times a week and having sex together. We do use condoms but I was beginning to feel safe enough to consider doing without them because we were exclusive. Last week he forgot his phone and I read two of his text messages. One was from a woman thanking him for a great time and the other was about plans for a first date when I will be at work. I was devastated and have not spoken to him since. Should I? I really like him but I feel awful.

Unless you are ready to accept that he needs more than one woman and you agree that it won’t bother you, there is no good that can come out of you speaking to him. That he went out with other women is no crime in my book. Swingers do it all the time. No, the problem as I see it is that he lied to you. He was dishonest when he said he would be exclusively dating you. He didn’t say he would be exclusive only when you weren’t working. You were exclusive to him and had the expectation of honesty in this relationship.

If you take him back, you must accept that you have set a precedent for putting up with his infidelity. I suggest sending him a text or email telling him why you don’t want to see him again and ask that he not contact you. Then move on. There are tons of great men on and offline now and heaps of them are looking for an exclusive relationship.

When you’re driving home after work, do you lust for the one you’re with? You should.

I see many married or attached people coming to sites like ours and I have to wonder what happened to the lusty feelings that these two people once had. Why did they allow it to die?

Good sex doesn’t have to be complicated. In the beginning of most relationships couples may stay in bed for hours at a time talking, laughing, having sex, kissing, talking, having sex again, daydreaming, making out and maybe even having more sex. Desire, arousal, and passion – well, they’re seemingly effortless. No complications, couples just enjoy erotic fun and intimacy. So why can’t we keep it like that?

The old saying familiarity breeds contempt could come into play in some relationships. We forget why we fell for our partner in the first place. Can we get that feeling back after being hurt or angered? I don’t know. I do believe that we can get past most unpleasant bits in our relationship because underneath it all is a deep love and respect for one another.

I think it’s really easy to take our partner/spouse for granted. I think we all do it from time to time. Some way more so than others, I might add. Most of us live predictable lives and surround ourselves with familiar people, objects and places. In the beginning it was all new and exciting. Nothing predictable happened because there were so many things to discover about your partner. We stayed in an excited state of mind. We need to keep in mind the value of exciting, pleasurable sex.

It is important to realize that every single day you make a choice about your relationship. Every day that you stay with your partner you “re-choose” them whether consciously or unconsciously – but you do it. Perhaps it’s only to say, “I’ll give it 3 more months,” but it’s a choice none the less. If you think about going home and you feel no lust whatsoever for the person who’s waiting for you to arrive, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t let life slip through your fingers while you wait for things to get better. You can’t change people, you can only change yourself and that changes everything.

How do you feel about sex personally? Is sex something that you approach in a casual way or do you need a deeper connection to have satisfying sexual realtions with another person? Would you consider a no-strings-attached relationship with someone?

All of these are heady questions and all would take a bit of soul searching to arrive at the right answer for you. There IS no right answer for everyone. People who want to make rules for other people regarding their sexuality are stepping into an area that they don’t belong.

A no-strings-attached relationship is one where both parties want to remain friends and occasionally get it on. Some have these partnerships when they are between relationships and some make use of a friend on the side while in a relationship.

If sex always means love and commitment to you, being friends with benefits is not going to work for you. If sex can be a more casual thing to you, then I think it’s possible that you can get together with a friend and agree to do that and not get too emotionally tied up.

An acquaintance of mine swears by a no strings attached friendship. She says when she’s single, this sort of “backup” helped her make better choices in relationships. She wasn’t choosing someone because she was horny. It would never be for me because sex, love and commitment go together in my book of life.