A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. ‘I’d love to be eight again’ she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Teddy Grahams and a peanut butter and jelly toast!

He took her to the local amusement park and put her on every ride in the park: * The Death Slide * The Wall of Fear * The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster and more.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they went to a McDonald’s where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, plus candy!

What a fabulous adventure! The man was thrilled to bits to give his wife just what she wanted for her birthday.

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked ‘Well dear, what was it like being eight again?’

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation…’I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!

The moral of this story: Communication… Even when a man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong…..

I have a friend I’ll call Dave. That’s because his name IS Dave. He won’t mind me calling him out on this because we’re really good pals and he knows how I feel. He and his significant other Christy have been “going out” for 3 years. They don’t live together but I know she’d like to do that. Dave has a real problem with commitment. His parents divorced just before he turned 13 and it really upset him a lot.

In his mind if his parents who his considered to be perfect got a divorce, what chance has he got?

But three years? How long does it take for someone to make up his mind? If you’re in a similar situation to Dave, wake up and smell the coffee! If she’s been “the one” for the past 3 years, surely she’s a keeper and if she’s a keeper, commit to her.

Dave says he has in every way but words.

“I am still with her and I haven’t gone out with anyone else but her for 3 years, isn’t that enough?”

Uhhh.. no.

What if one day she decides she’s waited long enough and starts dating someone else? If you haven’t committed to her then maybe she thinks you are only holding on to her until someone better comes along. This is a tough one for most women to deal with. She’s wasting her best years on you and for what? Maybe nothing.

I know, I know, she’s having a good time. She’s also ready to put down roots and make a life with someone.

Who’s right? Probably they both are but Dave’s gonna lose a real sweetie in Christy because she’s at the end of the waiting line. Poor Dave might end up with only the dog for a cuddle.

Take a tip from Dave’s experience. Don’t lose what might be the best person for you. You’ll live the rest of your life in regret.

I was out shopping today and came across a guy in a black t-shirt. He was quite good looking, in that rugged, beard wearing way that I enjoy watching. A little while later, after I had lifted 4 40 litre bags of compost onto my cart and was trekking to the checkout, he’s right in front of me. On the back of his t-shirt is this…

If you’re in the woods and you say something and your wife doesn’t hear you, are you still wrong?

I cracked up. As we both got to the checkout I couldn’t resist asking the answer. He looked at me and smiled and said,

Luv, I’ve been wrong since the day I met her.

and then he began to laugh. I didn’t know quite what to say. I was hoping he was just teasing, but maybe he wasn’t. All I could think of was that if it was true and he was always wrong, why does he stay in that relationship?

Does “til death do us part” require us to put up with abuse? I don’t think so. Maybe that’s just a cop out for me but I don’t think we were born to be the subject for someone else to pick on.

Thoughts?

Ok, let’s hear it for better sex in 2008. For the few of you with a terrific, perfect sex life — phtbbbbbbt, we’re jealous, is that enough? For the rest of us, let’s resolve not to have boring sex ever again. Here’s what I plan to do and I’m thinkin maybe the old guy I live with will think this is a goer.

I decided that I wanted to have sex or some sort of intimacy every day. I want something that says I find you sexy and desirable.

In order to feel desire on this level, we’ll have to make sure that we put each other near the top of the priority list. This includes doing all those little things that show you’re thinking about your partner when you’re apart. (This is a bit difficult for us since we’re together 24/7 - but I’ll work on this.)

So that was my resolution and so far I’ve lost my resolve. Come on, give me some encouragement to get back on track!

I’m going to start over right now and pretend that it’s New Year’s Day all over again.