Have worries about the holidays got you stressed and feeling un-sexy? I know what you mean. With all the problems with shopping — finding a parking place, deciding what to buy and then how the hell you’re going to pay the credit card bill when it comes due next month, holidays can be tough for everyone. Lighten up on yourself a bit. Remember that it doesn’t have to be the best present in the world, nor does it have to be one that they’ll remember for years to come. That’s not what this is all about. There is no contest for best present. Never has been one to my knowledge, so choose something appropriate and priced where you won’t feel bad later.

Why should you reduce the stress? Because when you’re stressed and filled with anxiety you don’t feel sexy. Not feeling sexy only adds to how you feel inside. So do yourself, your family AND your lover a big favor and don’t sweat the small stuff. Even if you get it wrong, there’s another Christmas in 365 days and this time you can plan ahead.

Happy Holidays!

Nothing brings out all the zits better than living together. Or as my mother would say, shacking up or living in sin. Up until now you’ve both been on company manners and only showed each other what you wanted the other to see or to know about you. Once you’re together 24/7 there are few secrets and this person you adore could turn into a monster.

If at the moment you think the sun shines out of your lover’s ass, you’re probably in for a huge shock. He or she is going to be a mere mortal in less than 24 hours. Imagine waking up that first morning full of love and lust and after hot sex you both decide it’s time to get up. First you trip over his shoes and underwear or her ice cream bowl and spoon casually left on the floor. Then you head to the bathroom and find toothpaste stuck in the sink or whiskers on the counter top. Believe me, this is the tip of the iceberg.

A good relationship can weather all this and much more but it takes being a good relationship to begin with. Once you’re living together you will share everything from 1/2 the bed to 1/2 (or more) of the closet, shopping, cooking, cleaning and the odd common cold. Are you up to sharing 50% of your space into the future?

There are ways to prevent future disaster to your relationship and you’d be wise to agree on most everything before the big move in date.

Chores

to make the bed?
to buy the food?
to cook the food?
to clean up the dishes?
to do the laundry?

and that’s just for starters.

Lifestyle

Do you like their friends? They’re going to be around a lot.
Is one of you a smoker that will drive the other one nuts?
Is one a neatnik and the other a slob? The house will be as neat as the sloppiest resident.
Is one of you a big drinker and the other not? This will eventually be a problem.

Finances

This one is always tough because historically men earn more than women and to split everything 50/50, he gets way more discretionary spending than she does. When we first lived together we decided on a percentage of our income that went into the community pot that was used to pay all the living expenses. Anything left over was spent on something for the house.

What if your sweetums has a mental problem or can’t hold a steady job? Can you foot the bills on your own for periods of time?

Important

Have or create a space in your house or apartment where you can be alone. Everyone needs some down time and recovery space, especially if she’s having a Tupperware party in the kitchen.

Don’t put yourself in a position where if you are miserable you can’t afford to move out and start again on your own. I’ve seen this so many times. Couples spend everything they’ve got building a lovenest only to find it fall from the tree and they can’t afford to move on alone.