I was chatting online to a new friend yesterday and we began talking about her best friend who she said had been “replaced by her husband.” I thought about that for a minute before saying that maybe she wasn’t replaced at all. Maybe she was never that important to him in the first place. Maybe she was just convenient.

How many times have you heard people who’ve been divorced say that they weren’t really in love with their ex, they just thought they were? I’ve heard it. The thing to remember is, both men and women are guilty of thinking theyr’e in love. They don’t test themselves because being with *someone* is better than being alone. A few months or years later and they are unhappy and wondering how the hell to change things. Their eyes begin to wander and figure that an affair is better than hurting their spouse’s feelings.

Sometimes, and dare I say it, more than sometimes, we think we’re in love but it’s really a long-term friends with benefits situation that could end at any time if one or the other isn’t getting their sexual needs met. It looks like love because they’re all twittery, holding hands, cuddly but that’s how friends with benefits act too. We get caught up in overwhelming lust and we think it’s love. Love isn’t about sex and that’s where the confusion lies. You have sex when you’re in love but sex is not love. Love is caring about someone during the good times and more especially during the bad times. Love doesn’t look for a way out, instead it looks for a solution.

I’m not saying that every person who’s cheating isn’t in love with their spouse. I’m saying that some people were never in love in the first place.

Do you have body issues that keep you from letting go during sex so you feel comfortable hanging from the chandelier?

Lots of women and some men do. Whether it’s because there’s extra weight, scarring from surgery or an accident, droopy skin from age or weight loss or simply think that other naked people look better than they do, lots hold back on getting wild in the bedroom (or the back yard or the kitchen!) Here are a few tips to help you feel more comfortable so you can pay better attention to what’s going on rather than who’s seeing what.
1. Use lamps with a dimmer switch or candles instead of bright overhead lights.

You could always do it in the dark but mood lighting does help and let’s face it, guys like to look.

2. Choose positions that flatter and make the best of what you’ve got: missionary will hide your tummy and side-by-side takes the focus off your butt.

The idea is to get your mind off what you consider are your bad bits and focus your attention on the naughty bits!

3. If you’re REALLY tense, leave on a piece of clothing, like a lacy camisole to keep your body a little covered.

Not only are you covering up what you feel uncomfortable about, sexy clothing is a big turn-on for a lot of people. Two issues sorted at once!

4. Realize that you’re the only one who’s concerned about your body. Your partner doesn’t care – he or she wants you!

Seriously, they have seen your shape in clothes and they still want to bonk your bones. The bits you don’t like might be the bits that really turn your lover on! You could be worrying about a flabby belly and he’s thinking, “Geez, there’s spinach on her front tooth.”

5. Stop thinking about yourself and pay attention to pleasing your partner..

When you’re focused on giving pleasure, you won’t be thinking about yourself. That’s a good thing. Knowing that he or she is being driven wild by what you’re doing is a great confidence booster. Anyone who’s on his or her way to the moon (orgasmically speaking) is not thinking, “what a huge backside!” None of what you’re worrying about matters. If it did, they wouldn’t want to be naked with you in the first place.

6. Close your eyes and enjoy the touch.

When you are worried about your saggy skin how can you be getting turned on? You can’t so start paying attention to the nice feelings that you have when your lover touches your skin, or how your lips feel when you’re kissed. This too will increase your self-esteem and confidence. Your lover will enjoy your reactions too.

7. Think yourself sexy.

We can all fantasize so let your wildest imagination go. Think of things that turn you on. Fantasies, whether you share them with your lover or not, can make your body respond in a remarkable way and that will boost your self-confidence when you see the reaction on your lover’s face.

You can do crunches til the cows come home if you want to have abs of steel but seriously is it fun? It’s not as much fun as sex, that’s for sure. I’m told that if you’d like to kickstart your fat loss program by focusing on a complimentary type of “exercise”, then working up a sweat in the bedroom on a regular basis could be your way forward.

Of course, I’m not encouraging you to go on a reckless sex rampage in the name of a great set of abs. If you choose to do the horizontal rhumba as part of an exercise regime, make sure you’re careful because it’s easy to catch an STD out there and infections can actually cause you to put on weight rapidly.

If you’re still trying to jumpstart your last New Year’s resolution, here are 5 sexy reasons to help persuade you to get started — finally.

1. Sex Burns Calories

While sex might not improve your overall level of fitness, it can certainly help burn off some calories. For a comprehensive (and humorous) list on how many calories you can burn whilst making love then take a quick peek at this!

2. It Can Help Improve Posture

There are many people walking around with what is called a Donald Duck posture which usually means their lower stomach muscles are weak and therefore hang out in a pooch and their backsides usually stick out too. There are certain positions you can adopt during sex (I’ll let you use your imagination on this one!) that will help tighten those lower abs and glutes and help improve your posture.

3. It Helps Relieve Stress

When your body is stressed, it is typically a lot harder than normal to lose weight. Whether the stress comes from your job, your commute, your relationships or even your exercise program reducing your overall levels of stress will greatly enhance your chances of shedding the fat quickly.

4. It Improves Your Mood

With the release of serotonin in your brain, sex will usually put you in a good mood and subsequently help you paint a more positive picture of things. An improved mood helps to reduce your stress levels and together with a good abdominal exercise program will help you get the flat stomach you desire.

5. It Helps You Fall Asleep

If you are consistently not getting enough sleep for whatever reason, then your energy levels will drop and the quality of your decision-making can decrease too. This might mean that you’re more likely to skip the gym and that you begin to eat less healthily (as unhealthy foods are quick and easy to prepare). Sex will help you to relax and fall asleep more easily ensuring you get the quality sleep you need.

Relaxation, posture, frame of mind and quality of sleep are all factors that can determine how quickly you lose weight and therefore the shape and condition of your stomach. Whether directly or indirectly these factors can also be influenced by sex through the release of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and the tightening of certain muscles. In other words, sex is worth considering as part of any exercise regime!

I found these instructions on the net a while back and I kept them for “personal review” but thought I’d share them with all the women who haven’t tried this yet. I know there are some cause there are too many men telling me so!

(1) Pull his cock out and see how it stands. If it’s straight up, you’re doing great, otherwise, here’s what to do: Hold his balls in your left hand and his cock in your right. Squeeze it gently down toward the bottom of the shaft and get ready to suck.

(2) Run your tongue over your lips to get them good and wet and look into your man’s face. He wants to watch you suck him off. Men love to watch. Now open your mouth just slightly to tease and excite your man and come very close to his cock. Breathe on him, blow on him with your hot breath. Stick your tongue out again and reach for him, tease him.

(3) Making sure your tongue is dripping wet, begin at the bottom of his shaft and lick upwards, slowly. Turn your head sideways and pretend to take a bite of him, gently setting your teeth into his flesh. Wet him again with your tongue and use your hand to spread the liquid around if necessary. A wet cock looks and sounds a lot sexier than a dry one.

(4) Your left had meanwhile is massaging those balls, perhaps scratching them lightly with your fingernails. You may also want to reach behind and underneath the balls to get to that ever-so-sensitive area just before the anus, or even to run your fingers over his asshole very lightly. Since the muscle that cause erection originates back there, this will produce a reaction in his cock. When you really know your man, or even if you don’t, place your index finger in your mouth getting in very wet and work it into his asshole. If he voices opposition just keep working. The pleasure will quickly take over and he will thank you for it in the end.

(5) Open your mouth and take him inside slowly keeping your tongue wet at all times. As you increase the speed of the action on his cock, make sure to acknowledge his moans of pleasure with words of encouragement. Ask him if he is enjoying you sucking his cock. Make him know you are the one giving him this pleasure. Keep teasing don’t go to fast and cause him to cum too soon.

(6) When you start to hear quicker moans and his balls begin to tighten, you are bringing him close to orgasm. The decision to watch the cum shoot out into the air or to keep it all inside your mouth is your own. He will be happy either way. When he does cum, keep sucking until he begs you to stop. His cock will soften and you will have a chance to lick up any cum you missed or landed on his stomach. If you really want to take you man to new areas, lick the cum off of his cock or his stomach and work your way up to his mouth. With a devilish look in your eyes he will not refuse a deep kiss.

(7) Most importantly remember to have fun and go slow.

Good luck and have a good hump day!