Can someone truly masturbate too much? Is five times a day too much? Six, ten? Orgasms are such a wonderful thing, why shouldn’t we experience as many of them as we can? I myself am quite fond of a mind blowing orgasm…I certainly don’t want to deny myself of that gorgeous release from time to time.

But what about masturbation addiction? What about those people who have a compulsive need to masturbate every waking moment?

The high from masturbation addiction comes from the flood of chemicals that are released into the brain during orgasm. As the brain begins to crave this high, the addict trains himself to climax quicker and more often. In addition, the addict becomes accustomed to the sensations of masturbation, sometimes to the point that “normal” sexual activity is not satisfying.

Woody Allen had a line in one of his movies: “I’m good at sex; I practice a lot when I’m alone.” While that may come across as a funny line, it underscores the physical problem with masturbation addiction. A masturbation addict becomes accomplished at short, intense activity with a quick climax. Unfortunately, this isn’t very satisfying to a spouse in a sexual relationship.

Sex addiction is a symptom of an unhealthy approach toward relationships. The first step toward a healthy relationship is honesty. When you are honest with someone you show him or her you care about them. In effect you say,

“I love you so much I want you to know about me. I want you to see the good in me so that you can enjoy it and share in it. I won’t hide my flaws because if I deceive you now, you will be hurt even worse later on by my bad side.”

“If I tell you the truth, whatever problems we have, we can probably work out.”

“I’d rather have an honest relationship with you built through hard work than one hastily thrown together on lies and illusions that will not stand the test of time.”

Masturbation addiction can be cured just like overeating can be cured and alcoholism can be cured. So if you’re suffering under tremendous guilt because masturbation is causing problems in your life or your relationships, there is help out there.

It’s the old nature or nurture question I suppose, but how does a woman get to the point where she and others consider her a whore? Mind you, I’m not saying that a whore is a bad thing at all. I make no judgments of others, but it’s a curious question to me.

Several years ago I met a call girl (that’s what she called herself) through a friend. My friend and I were having a drink at a local club and this woman joined us for a short time and was very candid about what she did for a living. She’d grown up in a middle class environment and finished high school and had done some college courses.

When I asked how she got started and was it a difficult decision the first time. She said she thought about it for maybe 20 minutes and came to the conclusion that if she was careful with her health she could earn more money lying on her back for 2 hours a day than 4 of her friends combined were earning in their regular jobs.

So then I asked if it was all about the money? What about the sex? She said she could never have done it even the first time if she hadn’t really felt that sex was way more recreational than it was procreational. I decided to ask a few more personal questions because, face it, I was dying to know.

Did she have any sexual activity that she would not engage in? It turns out that yes, there were several things that she didn’t enjoy and wouldn’t participate in. She didn’t like group sex, she didn’t like sex with another woman and she wouldn’t do anal sex. I was a bit surprised by this because I thought a whore would do anything just to reach that sexual high, regardless whether there was money involved or not.

She had to leave for a scheduled appointment or I’d have kept asking questions all evening long. It left me always wondering if she’d been born to be a whore or economic circumstances put her in a position where sex was the best job she could get.

I received the most amazing email this morning from someone I met online a couple of years ago. They met through our website, fell in love and eventually moved in together. We were thrilled with their success. Today she has a problem and has asked for my advice. Here’s her story:

When we first got together we humped like bunnies every single day and sometimes every single night. After a while I noticed he was staying on the net until after my bedtime. I knew he was surfing but I didn’t know he was cybersexing other women on MY time. I know he visits porn sites and some of them are kinkier than I am, but that never bothered me because I think a lot of men enjoy porn. I’ve tried staying up later hoping that once he got his fill of porn he’d look for me, but no go on that one.

Now he only wants me, the real thing, about once a month. It’s always morning sex, it never lasts very long and never happens if it’s too hot. It’s like my needs don’t exist any more — not like it was when we first met. He gets almost angry and defensive if I say anything, telling me that he’s not a machine after all.

Any idea how I can get him back? I still love him and want the relationship to last.

Wow. So much for how the Internet has changed sexuality. Here’s my reply:

I know many men view porn then expect their partner to be ready for sex when they come to bed. This is insensitive and insulting, but I wonder if it’s because they are having trouble with their erection and need extra stimulation. Your partner’s behavior is inexcusable.

When you say that he enjoys kinkier sex than you do, that can come across as a put down and judgmental on your part. It’s obvious that things that arouse him are unacceptable to you and he must sense this. So he deals with it by being secretive and separate from you. He excludes you so he doesn’t have to feel bad. Think about this rationally and you’ll understand that what excites him isn’t necessarily bad or perverted, it’s just not what turns YOU on.

Back to his behavior toward you. Why have you put up with it so long? Do you think you deserve to live a sexless life? Perhaps you feel that you’re the good partner and he’s the bad? This in no way assumes that any of this is your fault, but by allowing his behavior, you have taught him how to treat you.

If you want to live a sexually fulfilled life, you must confront him. You have accepted the status quo for too long. You lament the fact that he doesn’t understand your needs, but you’ve never insisted that he do so. You have permitted his selfishness.

Don’t attack him about his web activities. In some way that’s his business. He’s already feeling some discomfort and will become defensive or shut down communication completely. You must question whether this relationship is worth saving for both of you. It’s not possible to save it if you both can’t say it’s what you want. If he doesn’t commit to working things out, you need to question what the relationship offers to you and why you want to stay when he doesn’t.

It’s time you were treated with respect and dignity. It all starts by feeling worthy of respect and dignity.

When is the last time you had sex that wasn’t in your bed? You can’t remember? Shame on you!!

Nothing sparkles up a relationship like doing something a bit naughty. I’m not suggesting that you have sex on the front lawn when the local minister drives by, but try being a bit creative.

If you’re a guy who wants to give his lover a terrific orgasm, place her up on the washing machine or kitchen counter, spread her legs and go for the gold. Sure, you’ll be entering her really deeply and that might cause you to pop your cork rather quickly, so make sure she’s really dripping wet before you try this. She will melt into your arms. (I *might* have tried this once or twice but I’m admitting nothing!)

The nights will continue to get colder in the northern hemisphere, so how about sex in front of the fire? It’s one of the 10 most erotic places to have sex for a heap of women.

A good friend of mine loves having quickie sex in an elevator. I don’t know what’s wrong with this woman but she just loves it. She goes out without panties, gets in the elevator and bends over. I wonder what she’d do with one of those glass walled units. Doesn’t matter - what’s important is that she’s always doing something quirky to keep their sex life exciting.

Personally I love having sex outdoors but I’m not big on being watched, so we have to really get away from civilization for me to be comfortable. Have I been watched? I don’t know and I’m going to leave it that way.