Ok, this isn’t your remedial massage sort of instruction, you’re at SexyAds Blog after all! My new friend Don has written a great article about Sensual Massage. Here’s the beginning:

If sensual massage is your idea of heaven, take it to the sensual limits. All you need is baby oil, a good lube or your favourite scented oil, a sheet of polythene and good sense of fun!

Why not try one tonight. No woman I know would refuse one!

Nothing gripes me more than listening to friends of mine use sex as a tool to get what they want. This morning a friend of mine was telling me all about her new patio and I should come right over to see it, so I did.

“I’ve always wanted a patio like this but darling hubby never had the time, so when I got sick of waiting, I refused to have sex til it was done.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My friend is a wonderful, caring person and this is so unlike her. Cautiously I began questioning her about why she used sex to get what she wanted.

Turns out that she does it a lot.

“Don’t you lose out on sex too?” I asked.

She told me that of course she did but how else can a woman get a job done without it? Uhh.. if he doesn’t do it and you can’t do it, hire someone to do it, that’s what I do. Apparently hiring out these jobs is too expensive for her.

She could sense that I didn’t agree with any of this and she was dead right. I’m okay with not having sex because you’re really not in the mood or you’re too tired or too something else, but to use it to make your lover jump through hoops is just not right.

It would be wrong to say that only women use sex as a weapon because men do this too. My ex-husband was a champion at it. He wouldn’t say do this or no sex but I knew when I was being “punished”.

Communication is the answer. For my friend, I think if she had gone to her husband and said how badly she wanted the patio and offered to help him sort out the materials list, get the stuff delivered and acted as his gofer, they’d have finished the job tired and horny.

A pal of mine was talking to me over the weekend. His girlfriend has moved on to greener pastures and he was feeling rejected, blue and lonely.

“If I thought she’d be marriage material, I’d get a blow-up doll,” he said.

I looked at him with that, “whatchoo talkin bout, Willis” look and he went on to explain. He agreed that he’s a bit difficult to live with and pretty much wants everything his way and that’s why women come into his life and he has a great time but when they realize it’s a one-way street, they move on. Now let me say this.. I can’t imagine ANY woman staying in a relationship like his, but he’s my friend so I figured I’d humor him.

“So.. the doll? You’d consider marrying a doll?’

“No of course not but if I could find a woman more like a doll I would,” he continued.

What sort of crap is that thoughts kept creeping into my mind. I saw my first blow-up doll in a sex shop in Sydney, Australia many years ago. I laughed. No, that’s not right. I guffawed. The doll had a mouth like a funnel, plastic hair, no fingers and those funny plastic seams that make it look like they ironed her together. I imagined this doll in Frank’s house sitting on a chair in his living room. Count me out of that party!

“What is it about the doll you find more attractive than a woman?” I said, rethinking why I thought Frank should be counted as one of my friends in the first place.

He gave me a whole list of reasons!

• She always looks good.
• She never has bad hair days.
• She never complains about anal sex.
• She’ll drop her panties whenever I’m in the mood.
• She’s never in a bad moon and never has PMS.
• She never talks back when I’m grumpy.
• She’s always the same size, regardless how much chocolate I smear on her.
• If I want her to have bigger breasts, I just pump more air in her.

“Ok, if those are her good points, does she have any bad points? Why wouldn’t every man get a doll?” I asked. He agreed that there were some shortcomings, especially in the cheaper models. You know the ones, painted faces, mittens for hands and 3 working holes, all for around $35.

• She can be a bit unstable, especially if you move her arms and legs to awkward positions.
• She can’t stand up without help.
• She can’t dance unless you tie her feet to yours.
• She’s lazy. She never does anything but sit there.
• She always wears the same policewoman outfit.
• She’s almost too frugal and will never buy her own sexy lingerie.
• Sometimes she smells a bit of “plastic”.

What about personality? Where does that figure into a relationship?

Apparently for some men (thankfully a very small proportion) a woman who is always ready for sex and never says a word is a good thing.

This conversation prompted me to check out the current sex-doll offerings. For an amazing $6,500 you can get a VERY lifelike, life-size doll made out of silicone. I found this at realdoll.com. The silicone breasts are filled with a gel and the “skin” can stretch up to 300% so you can really mangle those breasts when you get your motor going!

When buying one of these dolls you get to choose everything. You choose what face, what color hair, what skin tone and dress size. You can also choose what color public hair and whether you want it trimmed or bushy or none at all.

For an added expense you can get your doll with upgraded bits and bobs. You can get a human hair wig or a body with tan lines. If you are a bit more kinky you can get a female doll with a penis. (hmmmmm) Even this has a selection. You can have a penis and no vagina, a detachable penis, or a penis and no testicles.

By the time I’d get the doll all sorted I’d be too old to use it!

Janette Woodhouse writes that many scientists assume people have sex for simple and straightforward reasons such as to experience sexual pleasure or to reproduce, but new research at The University of Texas at Austin reveals hundreds of varied and complex motivations that range from the spiritual to the vengeful.

After conducting one of the most comprehensive studies on why people have sex, psychology researchers David Buss and Cindy Meston uncovered 237 motivations, which appear in the August issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior.

People’s motivations ranged from the mundane (”I was bored”) to the spiritual (”I wanted to feel closer to God”) and from the altruistic (”I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself”) to the manipulative (”I wanted to get a promotion”).

Some said they had sex to feel powerful, others to debase themselves. Some wanted to impress their friends, others to harm their enemies (”I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship”).

Buss and Meston conducted two studies. In the first, they asked more than 400 men and women to identify reasons people have sex. In the second, the researchers asked more than 1500 undergraduate students about their experiences and attitudes.

The Texas psychologists identified four major factors and 13 sub-factors for why people have sex:

• Physical reasons such as to reduce stress (”It seemed like good exercise”), feel pleasure (”It’s exciting”), improve or expand experiences (”I was curious about sex”), and the physical desirability of their partner (”The person was a good dancer”).
• Goal-based reasons, including utilitarian or practical considerations (”I wanted to have a baby”), social status (”I wanted to be popular”) and revenge (”I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”).
• Emotional reasons such as love and commitment (”I wanted to feel connected”) and expression (”I wanted to say ‘thank you’”).
• Insecurity-based reasons, including self-esteem (”I wanted the attention”), a feeling of duty or pressure (”My partner kept insisting”) and to guard a mate (”I wanted to keep my partner from straying”).

“Why people have sex is extremely important, but rarely studied,” Buss said. “Surprisingly, many scientists assume the answer is obvious, but people have different reasons for having sex, some of which are rather complex.”