When you’re driving home after work, do you lust for the one you’re with? You should.

I see many married or attached people coming to sites like ours and I have to wonder what happened to the lusty feelings that these two people once had. Why did they allow it to die?

Good sex doesn’t have to be complicated. In the beginning of most relationships couples may stay in bed for hours at a time talking, laughing, having sex, kissing, talking, having sex again, daydreaming, making out and maybe even having more sex. Desire, arousal, and passion – well, they’re seemingly effortless. No complications, couples just enjoy erotic fun and intimacy. So why can’t we keep it like that?

The old saying familiarity breeds contempt could come into play in some relationships. We forget why we fell for our partner in the first place. Can we get that feeling back after being hurt or angered? I don’t know. I do believe that we can get past most unpleasant bits in our relationship because underneath it all is a deep love and respect for one another.

I think it’s really easy to take our partner/spouse for granted. I think we all do it from time to time. Some way more so than others, I might add. Most of us live predictable lives and surround ourselves with familiar people, objects and places. In the beginning it was all new and exciting. Nothing predictable happened because there were so many things to discover about your partner. We stayed in an excited state of mind. We need to keep in mind the value of exciting, pleasurable sex.

It is important to realize that every single day you make a choice about your relationship. Every day that you stay with your partner you “re-choose” them whether consciously or unconsciously – but you do it. Perhaps it’s only to say, “I’ll give it 3 more months,” but it’s a choice none the less. If you think about going home and you feel no lust whatsoever for the person who’s waiting for you to arrive, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t let life slip through your fingers while you wait for things to get better. You can’t change people, you can only change yourself and that changes everything.

My mind keeps thinking about a very good friend of mine who’s gearing up to tell her parents today that her relationship is over. They’ve been together for as long as most people can remember but to most people around her, including her parents, it’s going to be a surprise. I often wonder why we keep the illusion that our relationships are wonderful when they really aren’t?

I also wonder about when we decide that we’re finally going to do something about our unhappiness that it takes “telling the family” before it’s really going to happen? I know in my previous life that once I told my family that I’d been miserable for years with a controlling son of a bitch for a husband that I truly knew I could go through it.

We’re hoping for our friend’s sake that her parents are supportive and will help her start a whole new life. She’ll have a whole new set of friends and she’ll begin to laugh – a lot. The house will be peaceful and friendly.

I’ve suggested that she look forward instead of back and not to worry so much about how he’ll cope but to focus on creating the life she wants.

If you’ve started over, do you have any suggestions for my friend?