The Inuit Eskimos certainly got it right when their word for sex means “laughing in bed.” When most people describe their ideal partner it’s “funny, sexy, good sense of humor…” so do you laugh and enjoy yourself during sex? If you’re always really serious about sex, try one of these new positions - upgrades from the old Kama Sutra book of love.

Cowboy Style - Once you’ve started having sex, tell her that her sister was a better lay and try to hold on for 8 seconds.

Snail Mail Style - Like cyber or phone sex but it takes longer and one usually loses interest.

Plumber Style - Stay in all day and still nobody comes.

Corpse Style - Get on do the job and get off without waking her up.

Tavern Style - Liquor at the front and poker in the rear.

Doggie Style - The woman rolls over and the man begs.

Redneck Style - Pants at your knees and shoes still on.

Big Mac Style - Put a quarter pounder between her buns.

Frigid Style - He lays there and she lays there and nothing happens.

Interview Style - You lie and cheat and pretend to be someone else to get in.

Question Style - Where you often have to ask, “is it in yet?”

Sports Sex - The female tries to mount the male while he’s watching his favorite football team. Imagination and flexibility is a definite plus.

Personal Development Style - Do it yourself.

Hallway Style - As you pass in the hallway you say, “fuck you.”

Billiard Style - Take his stick and move the balls around til something goes in a hole.

Football Style - Always try to come from behind.

Chicken Style - Always go for the biggest cock.

6.9 Style - A great position screwed by a period.

Orange Style - Playboy magazine, porn video and a bag of Cheetohs.

Bomb Style - Before he wakes up she blows the hell out of him.

Make Believe Style - You imagine sexual things you’d love to do and then tell your friends you’ve done them.

Hacker Style - Always use the back door.

Golfer Style - Give the balls a good whack, chase around in the bush for a while and make several attempts at the hole.

Pinnochio Style - Sit on his face while he tells lies.

77 Style - Same as 69 but you ate more times.

Electrician Style - Lie about the size of the job.

Iraq Style - He’s got a weapon of mass destruction but she can’t find it.

Loner Style - Your lover comes with her own automatic inflater.

Leave a comment with YOUR favorite style!

Covergirl posted this chat conversation on her blog at SexyAds. She changed the man’s name but the chat is exactly how it went. She was having him for a laugh but I don’t think he caught on at all.

23:31 [covergirl] hello

23:31 [verticalfun] Hi

23:31 [verticalfun] sexy minx you

23:31 [covergirl] meowwwww

23:31 [covergirl] no wait. vroooooooooooom

23:31 [verticalfun] mmmmm

23:32 [verticalfun] you got msn or yahoo babe?

23:33 [covergirl] that sounds contageous

23:33 [covergirl] I hope u are wearin protection

23:33 [verticalfun] it is addictive

23:33 [verticalfun] Of course

23:34 [verticalfun] You feeling adventurous?

23:35 [covergirl] sure !!! U can be tha pirate, I’ll be tha parrot.

23:35 [covergirl] Deal ?

23:35 [verticalfun] Deal

23:35 [covergirl] Oooooooooooh baby…

23:35 [covergirl] where we goin ?

23:35 [verticalfun] all the way

23:36 [verticalfun] to paradise

23:36 [covergirl] awsum. I should really pack then

23:36 [covergirl] or mebbe u could pack me

23:36 [verticalfun] I’d pack you till you were full

23:36 [covergirl] …….. suitcase silly !!!!

23:37 [verticalfun] lol

23:37 [verticalfun] fancy some cam fun?

23:38 [covergirl] cam - is that like tha past tense of ‘to cum’ and ‘cumming now’ ???

23:38 [verticalfun] sort of lol

23:38 * CoVeRgIrL preens herself

23:38 [covergirl] Like my feathers, baby ??

23:39 [covergirl] dont they get u hot ?

23:39 [verticalfun] fancy some camcum fun then

23:39 [covergirl] as in cancun ?

23:39 [verticalfun] They do get me hot

23:39 [verticalfun] yes

23:39 [covergirl] thats like sum really cool holiday destination Ive heard

23:39 [verticalfun] Mexico

23:39 [covergirl] Oooooooooh listen buddy

23:40 [covergirl] Hold tha tequila

23:40 [covergirl] last time YOU were pissed as a parrot, n I had to remind u that was NOT an eyepatch

23:40 [covergirl] it was the cleaner’s thong !

23:40 [verticalfun] You are chilli hot?

23:40 [verticalfun] lol

23:41 [verticalfun] wanna watch me stroking the naked parrot?

23:41 [covergirl] when did u pluck me..?

23:42 [verticalfun] Just now

23:42 [verticalfun] out of my pants

23:42 [covergirl] thats so fuckin hot… but tell u wot REALLY gets me goin ??

23:42 [verticalfun] What?

23:42 [covergirl] is when u grab a bunch of them pretty feathers there, and poke them in my arse.

23:44 [covergirl] I *always* wanted to fart a rainbow !!!!!

23:44 [verticalfun] How does having a tongue flicking over your tight little bumhole sound?

23:44 [covergirl] tell me thats not getting u hard.

23:44 [covergirl] baby ???

23:44 * CoVeRgIrL squaaaaaaaaaawks with delight

23:44 [verticalfun] like a rock

23:45 [verticalfun] Want to see what follows what you saw in the shower?

23:45 [covergirl] sure

23:46 [verticalfun] you got your cam ready?

23:47 [covergirl] wait - Im waiting for the rock, baby.

23:47 [covergirl] Im so hot rite now.

23:47 [verticalfun] me too

23:47 [verticalfun] I’d love to cum over your boobs

23:48 [covergirl] I dont have boobs. Im a parrot.

23:48 [covergirl] A plucked one.

23:48 [verticalfun] oh yes i forgot

23:49 [verticalfun] do you want to play on cam babe?

23:50 [covergirl] last time I was on the cam I crapped on it and my master wouldnt feed me for a week. Damn, Im so horny

23:51 [verticalfun] Horny How horny?

23:52 [covergirl] horny enough to wanna run my claws along ur shexxay shaft and rub my naked prickly plucked self on ur carpet of fur MMMmmmm

23:52 [verticalfun] You playing with yourself?

23:52 [covergirl] I am.

23:52 [verticalfun] can I see?

23:52 [verticalfun] I am stroking my big cock for you?

23:53 [covergirl] Only with one eye, the other has a patch on it… Arrrrrrgh

23:53 [verticalfun] lol

23:53 * CoVeRgIrL squaaaawks again

23:53 [verticalfun] How wet are you?

23:54 [covergirl] Im so wet rite now, cant u see it glistening off my bare naked prickly parrot pink skin ??

23:54 [covergirl] (I ducked under the hose for a sec)

23:55 [verticalfun] Want to see my cock on cam to get you even hornier?

23:55 * CoVeRgIrL considers the last time she saw a rooster on cam

23:55 [covergirl] Ohh my, with feathers n all ??

23:56 [verticalfun] This is an Atomic rooster

23:56 [covergirl] that sounds so sexxay

23:56 [verticalfun] you on IRC right now?

23:57 [covergirl] YESH !!! the Incredible RABBIT CAGE !!!!

23:57 [covergirl] (how did you know) ??

23:58 [verticalfun] NO cam then shame

23:58 [covergirl] Im rubbing my clit on it

23:58 [verticalfun] mmm

23:58 [covergirl] the wire hurts a little

23:58 [covergirl] but it still feels good

23:59 [verticalfun] mmm

23:59 [verticalfun] would you like to watch me cum?

23:59 [covergirl] shhhh Im……… almost there

00:00 [verticalfun] Me too I’m rubbing mt cock hard thinking of how I’d fuck you from behind

00:00 * CoVeRgIrL squaaaawks again

00:01 [covergirl] I like my new look…..

00:01 [covergirl] Freshly plucked and all.

00:01 [covergirl] Did I tell you…

00:01 [covergirl] Pink is my favourite colour ?

00:01 [covergirl] Baby u get me so hot

00:01 [verticalfun] holding your wrists by your side pulling you back impaling you on my cock

00:01 [verticalfun] I like pink too

00:01 [covergirl] I dont have wrists. Im a parrot.

00:01 [covergirl] But grab holda them claws, baby

00:03 [covergirl] I LUV bondage MMmmmm

00:03 [verticalfun] Me too

00:04 [covergirl] take my beshrivelled little claws and drive that thick juicy fuckstick into me

00:04 [verticalfun] Do you like being tied up and having your mouth fucked?

00:04 [covergirl] I WOULD………

00:04 [covergirl] IF I had a mouth !!!

00:04 [covergirl] But baby…

00:05 [covergirl] dont u think my beak is sexxay ?

00:05 [verticalfun] I want you to watch me wank sexy

00:05 [verticalfun] want to sign in to SA proper?

00:06 [covergirl] as opposed to….. improper ???

00:06 [covergirl] BUT I LIKE it improper

00:06 [covergirl] proper is soooooo boring

00:06 [verticalfun] lol me too

00:06 [verticalfun] My big hard cock is waiting

00:07 [covergirl] Ohhhhh lemme perch rite up there on that stick of urs

00:07 [verticalfun] You can perch there anytime

00:07 [covergirl] *Squaaaaawk* ty

00:08 [covergirl] Can I call u Polly ??

00:08 [verticalfun] sure

00:08 [covergirl] I just luv sayin that

00:08 [covergirl] Polly wanna cracka ?

00:08 [verticalfun] You are a cracker

00:08 [verticalfun] So yes

00:09 * CoVeRgIrL has her claws bound tightly to ur thick hard luv-gun and is waiting to be ‘impaled’

00:12 [covergirl] ahem… baby ?

00:12 [verticalfun] Hello

00:12 [covergirl] this is startin to get a lil uncomfortable

00:13 [covergirl] wanna fuck me now pls ?

00:13 [verticalfun] I’d love to impale you on my thick cock

00:13 [covergirl] u havent yet ?

00:13 [verticalfun] you need to beg

00:14 [verticalfun] Is your cunt ready for a big cock?

00:14 [covergirl] Dude - u have a plucked parakeet tied to ur cock, and its ME who has to beg ?

00:14 [verticalfun] lol

00:16 [verticalfun] Is your clit hard babe?

00:16 [covergirl] has been all along

00:17 [verticalfun] Is that a common situation?

00:17 [covergirl] Not for guys.

00:18 [verticalfun] Oooo I’m priveledged

00:18 [verticalfun] You thinking about me in the shower?

00:18 [covergirl] Oh baby I was

00:20 [verticalfun] Did you like watching me play?

00:20 [verticalfun] I am stroking it now

00:20 [verticalfun] That turn you on?

00:21 [covergirl] it does. but erm, my claws have gone from a scaley grey to a rather bright purple

00:22 [covergirl] baby ???

00:22 [covergirl] have u cum yet ???

00:23 [verticalfun] Why?

00:24 [covergirl] cos my claws hurt

00:25 [verticalfun] No still at it takes me ages to cum

00:25 [verticalfun] But the end result is a huge amount of spunk

00:25 [verticalfun] Why do your claws hurt?

00:26 [covergirl] erm, u tied them quite sum time ago now

00:27 [verticalfun] lol

00:27 [verticalfun] I’ll untie them if you let me come in your mouth

00:27 * verticalfun turns his cam ON

00:28 [covergirl] BEAK !!! I have a BEAK !!

00:28 [verticalfun] OK beak

00:30 [verticalfun] I untie your claws

00:31 [covergirl] thank you!!

00:32 [verticalfun] I’m gonna cum where do you want it?

00:33 [covergirl] between my balding prickly punk featherless wings baby

00:34 [verticalfun] Fucking hell that was a lot of spunk

00:34 * CoVeRgIrL squaaaawks Polly wanna go again ?

00:35 [verticalfun] Yes

00:35 [covergirl] Hell - u’re keen !

00:36 [verticalfun]I can fuck all day and night

00:37 [covergirl] This parrot’s a lil tired now - plus I gotta spend tha next 4 hrs re-featherin meself.

00:37 [verticalfun] ok

00:38 [verticalfun] I’ll find another bird

00:38 [verticalfun] for round 2

00:40 [verticalfun] How many times did you come?

my fave = I missed the fucking plane!!

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and
pass a flower shop.

The redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers. Red sighs and says, “Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.”

The blonde looks quizzically at her and asks, “You don’t like getting
flowers from your boyfriend?”

Replies the redhead, “I love getting flowers, but he always has
expectations after giving me flowers. I just don’t feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.”

The blonde thinks a bit and says, “Don’t you have a vase?”