My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year……..

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ….

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coke because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.

By the way….a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read blog posts with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late!

Spammers are getting a sense of humor.

Now that you’ve found a gal that’s hot
You wanna plough her dripping twat.

So try today this wonder-pi’ll
And change your life at your own will!

Honest, don’t you feel better for reading that?

I don’t know about you but I’m just sick to death of the spam mail about penis enlargement pills or gadgets or whatever it is that makes your penis as long as the garden hose. I’m also sick of cialis and viagra ads in my mailbox. I really don’t think if I took either one of those that I could stay hard all night long. Not without a penis implant!

As I was deleting about 35 spam mails for a bigger penis or a harder penis my mind started to wander. If I could take a couple of pills and turn into a man, would I do it?

I’m very comfortable as a woman. I like having soft skin and I like nurturing and spoiling my husband, but.. if I could try it for a day, hell yes I’d try it.

Would you change sex if you could?

Back to spam.

I think if I acted on every email from the wife of some dead diplomat in Nigeria, Ivory Coast or probably most any African country I would have enough money to buy and sell you three times over. Just in today’s mail I could have easily had $500,000 from Mrs. Verne Tobali and all I need to do is give her my bank details and the money is mine. How easy is that? I don’t know why I distrust them, after all the email said, “Dearest Beloved One” after all. She must know me well.