Re-entering the dating market

D-A-T-E…this is probably one of the words that can cause anxiety, fear and excitement all at the same time from people re-entering the dating market. For many of us, life has been safe and secure with a permanent partner for years and then all of a sudden we’re single and alone. How do we get back into the game without feel (and acting) awkward?

The truth is, it’s not easy. The rules have changed since you first dated 5, 10, or even 20 years ago. No longer do men do all the chasing (and paying), no longer do you have to wait for a phone call — it’s all email and texting now. Fortunately, it’s not difficult to catch up. Tell yourself that your first 3 dates are all about market research. No stress, no strain – it’s not going to work out anyway. It could but that’s not your goal. Your goal is to go out and watch other people as well as your date. See what other people are doing and how they’re doing it.

It’s always exciting to be asked out on a date, especially if it’s someone you’d really like to get to know but what about the person doing the inviting? Every time an invitation is made there is an opportunity for rejection. So how do you cope and not chicken out? Do what salesmen do — chalk each one down to numbers. Every successful sales person knows that for every so many people they make one sale. So it’s all about numbers. If this one doesn’t accept, another will come along. I promise!

I don’t think many people go on a first date without some anxiety. I know I always did. A few butterflies to quiet down. I didn’t want to trip, I didn’t want to slob spaghetti sauce on my blouse and I didn’t want to look stupid. Don’t ask why those are my concerns, they just are. I’m sure you have things that come to mind before a first date too. I learned not to order spaghetti on a first date, not to wear shoes that didn’t fit well and to think before I spoke. And it worked!

You can make the first date anxiety proof. I could say try to keep cool but it’s better to be prepared and then there’s nothing to lose your cool over. If you know you have a date, make sure the clothes you’re going to wear are clean, ironed and ready to put on. Don’t wait til the last minute to find out a button is missing on your favorite shirt. Don’t wait til the last minute to get a reservation at your favorite place only to find out they’re fully booked.

Confidence is sexy — well prepared leaves you confident.


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