Sex in the news
Ok, I’ve got three stories that should all win prizes. I couldn’t make up stuff this dumb.
According to the British tabloid, The Sun, a woman went grocery shopping wearing a pair of those new vibrating Passion Pants. She got so turned on by the vibrating bullet in her panties that she fainted from sheer excitement. She fell against a grocery aisle and hit her head.
When the paramedics arrived at the store in Swansea, Wales, her immitation leather panties were still vibrating and the woman was unconscious. They tended to her and before they took her to the hospital, they removed her panties. She got them back when she was released to go home. A spokesman for the grocery chain said, “We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough.”
What sort of dumb person would wear a pair of vibrating panties to the grocery store in the first place? They should have smacked her upside the head a few times, grabbed her panties and left her in the store. What a waste of taxpayer money on doctors just because she had to have a bit of wiggly wiggly. She needed to buy food and thought, “Gee, I’ll masturbate and shop and that will really save time.”
The next story isn’t about being stupid or not quite so stupid. A guy in Valalta Beach in Croatia went swimming in the nude. Not so weird, a lot of people do. His testicles had shrunk in the cold temperature and when he came out of the water he sat on a wooden deck chair with slats and his balls slid right though. After a little while, things heated up and his testicles went back to normal size and he couldn’t get out of the chair. (ouch) It took the beach maintenance staff a while to cut the chair in two to free him. Bet he wears a budgie smuggler next time he goes to the beach!
Finally, in Carioca, Romania a man was cooking pancakes for dinner and as luck would have it, his wife was giving him a blow job at the same time. (What is it with these people who have to do two things at the same time?) At the height of passion, he lost his grip on the frying pan and dumped hot oil on his wife’s back. She bit down on his penis and he moaned loudly and bashed her on the head with the hot frying pan.
When they got to the hospital neither would say how their injuries occurred, however after extensive questioning they admitted what happened. The man needed medical attention for his penis and his wife had burns to her back, a sore head, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone. She must have hurt way too much to laugh but that’s what I’d have done!
Each one of these stories crack me up, but you have give it to the woman who was so excited her man was making her pancakes that she dropped to her knees. I hope he took her to IHOP after the ER.
What a world we live in. I just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your blog. It is so funny. Real life can be funny who needs to make it up
Oh wow…i can only imagine being the doctor…
The definitely deserve one of my blue ribbons
LOL, this is just to funny! I can’t even imagine someone wanting to do that lol.
Ahhh this had me laughing so hard! I hope you don’t think all of us Brits are a dumb as that woman! LOL
Great post! Well done!
Hmmm. After reading this and pondering the stupidity of people, I’m left wondering: “Where can I find a pair of those leather masturbation panties?”
Hi! I pays to read the story first then digest the image. At first glance of this article, I thought the two things in the picture were a sling shot and a stick of lippy.
Now, having read the stories I do recall similar tales but none included me thank heavens.
Take Care,
Peter
Iknow that its not a laughing matter, but it doesn’t matter if you laugh. Oh my goodness I just about peed myself reading your posts! People can be so unbelieveable honestly!
Great blog, thank you.
I have tears streaming down my face from laughter as I type this, so if there any typos, that is my excuse.
This reminds me of an article that I read in the paper a few years back about a guy who got his penis stuck in the water jet or was it the drain, I don’t remember, but I’m sure it was the water jet, of a pool at a motel. Explain that one when the paramedics when they get there to free you.
Those are all Hilarious!!
The only one I have even close would be the 2nd one where I was in Cancun with met a gorgeous Lawyer Babe from Boston we proceeded to do the Hokey Pokey under a Palm Tree by the Water* About halfway thru I got a Tap on my shoulder from that Hotel’s Security*
I pleaded to have 5 more minutes to finish da Dealio they Kindly walked back behind the Bushes to watch me Deliver the Short Strokes in Fine Style!!
;PPP
I have to Thank that Awesome American Girl Alex for being such a Damn Good Sport!! & thx for the Big Audio Dynamite Cassette U sent me* U made Chichen Itza my whole Cancun Trip!!
Well what can I say,it’s not like us Brits to get excited at all, although we do have our moments. . . and this was obviously one of hers.That must have been a hellova gadget she was using and obviously Durexell batteries.Brilliant.Keep em coming…. metaphorically speaking.
Thanks for a great laugh - people are definitely and interesting species!
My question is about that poor guy getting his balls caught. How the hell do you not notice your balls have slid through the slats of a chair? I guess the fact that ‘I don’t own testicles’ is showing but this seems crazy to me that your balls can go AWOL like that!
Heh heh heh. It’s people like that that grow up to win Darwin Awards. Seriously, how much inbreeding does it take to get that stupid?
LOL I couldn’t imagine at the end the last stories of the couple. Do the husband’s penis could work as normal? LOL
lol I don’t know it was stupid or accident lol.
Oh man…..this stuff is just GOLD!! I had a MUCH NEEDED hearty laugh here. Huge thanks for that.
Now this is something American women may need to help them relax and be friendlier.