When to call it quits

A close friend of mine has been in what I call a disolving relationship for over a year. They no longer communicate much and when they do it’s barely civil. Why do they stay together? It’s for the children, they say. Of course it is.

I look at these kids who seem to be crying out for peace and happiness. The kids are teenagers so they are pretty cluey as to what’s going on. So what IS the best time to end it? How do you know for sure that there isn’t a chance to save it all?

There is not one best time I don’t think. If you are involved in an unhealthy relationship and that could be a romantic relationship like my friends or a work situation or a bust-up with a family member, don’t wait til you are so negative that you hurt people you love. You might find yourself nitpicking at your kids, no patience with your husband or wife or snappy at work. This is just going to add to the misery that’s your life right now. If you’re in a shit situation, it’s time to remove yourself.

I know when I left home, my kids were teenagers and the week after we left my son said, “Have you noticed how peaceful it is now?” Poor kid felt like he was walking on egg shells for months. I felt terribly guilty.

When you’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship every day seems a month long. You find yourself on the brink of despair and can’t imagine reaching your goals. Don’t wait til you start believing all the negative words spoken against you because then you’ll need superhuman energy to leave.

If you’re staying for the kids, make sure that it’s what’s best for your kids. It’s not better for them to live in strife and confusion day in and day out. Having them happy with you and happy with their other parent can be much better in the long run. They can’t learn what a loving relationship is where they are.

There is no job worth being unhappy about long term. Every job is pretty crap in some way, that’s why they call it work. If you find that you don’t feel good about yourself or you find you’re forcing yourself to get up and go to work, start looking for another job.

Family is very important but if a family member is causing pain for you, make the split and separate yourself from this person. You can always come back and sort it out down the road, but you’ve given yourself some breathing (and healing) room.

Remember, you are the most important person in your life. Always. When you’re ok, then you have the time, energy and love to give to others and they will be a zillion times happier. There is no joy in being a martyr.

Peace. Love. Out.